第七章

說明蒙受崇高恩惠的靈魂對昔日罪過的憂苦如何加深；並強調不應在靈修上棄置對我主耶穌基督至聖人性的默想，無論靈魂已達到多高的祈禱境界。

1. 崇高的恩惠使靈魂更深刻地懷念過去的罪。2. 對己罪的永不止息的哀悼。3. 不是出於畏懼地獄，而是出於對天主之愛。4–5. 對天主之偉大的領悟加深了這痛苦。6. 對默想基督人性的異議。7–9. 大德蘭的正面立場：必須默想基督人性。10. 無法離開肉身而默觀純粹神性。11–12. 大德蘭論祈禱中的無力感。13. 如何在官能枯燥時找到天主。14. 以默想代替純粹推理。15–16. 對苦難默想與祈禱合一的說明。17. 反駁「主曾說離去對門徒有益」的論據。18–19. 大德蘭自身曾有的錯誤。

1. 姐妹們，你們或許以為，天主以如此特殊的方式與自己交流的靈魂，因對永遠享有祂已感到十分確信，從此毋需再恐懼、也毋需再為昔日的罪痛哭。從未領受過類似恩惠的人最容易有這種想法；蒙天主賜予這些恩惠的靈魂，才會明白我的意思。這是大大的錯誤，因為對罪的憂苦隨著天主所賜恩惠的增加而加深，我相信這憂苦要等到我們抵達再無任何事能令我們悲傷的那片樂土，才會離開我們。有時我們感受到這痛苦比其他時候更強烈，性質也不同。進步到如此地步的靈魂，不再想到冒犯行為所威脅的懲罰，而是想到自己對那位賜予它如此之多³²⁹、又如此值得它事奉的主的巨大忘恩負義——因為那些崇高的奧秘向它啟示了天主的偉大。

2. 這靈魂對昔日的冒昧感到震驚，為自己的不敬而哭泣；過去的愚昧看來如同瘋狂，想到自己曾為了多麼卑鄙的事物而拋棄了如此偉大的君王，便不斷哀慟。思緒停留在這件事上，多過停留在所領受的恩惠上——那些恩惠，連同我即將描述的那些，是如此強大，有時彷彿以洶湧急流之勢穿透靈魂。然而罪過卻像河床中的淤泥那樣殘留著，時刻縈繞記憶，成了一個沉重的十字架。

3. 我認識一個人，她雖然已不再為了見到天主而渴望死亡，³³⁰卻渴望死，好從她對昔日忘恩負義的不斷悔恨中解脫——她虧欠那位主的，不論現在還是將來，永遠無法償還。她認為沒有人的罪能與她的相比，因為她覺得天主對任何人的忍耐，都比不上對她的長；賜予任何人的恩惠，也比不上賜予她的多。

4. 到達我所說這境界的靈魂，已不再懼怕地獄。有時——雖然很少——她們為可能失去天主而深感悲痛；她們唯一的恐懼，是怕祂收回祂的手，讓她們冒犯祂，從而重返昔日的可悲境況。她們對自身的痛苦或光榮漠然不在乎；若她們不願在煉獄中久留，不過是因為那使她們無法親近天主，而非因為煉獄的煎熬。不管天主已向一個靈魂顯示了多少恩惠，我認為忘記昔日可悲的處境對它是危險的；縱然那記憶令人痛苦，卻是最有益的。

5. 也許是因為我曾是如此卑劣的罪人，這才是我從不忘記自己罪過的原因；過了良善生活的人，沒有理由悲傷；然而在這必死的身體中生活，我們總免不了時常跌倒。反思主已赦免並忘記了我們的過失，這痛苦並不因此減輕；想到如此的仁慈與恩惠竟然賜予一個只配下地獄的人，反而令這悲傷更深。我想聖保祿和瑪利亞瑪達肋納一定如此經歷了殘酷的殉道，³³¹他們的愛是如此熾熱，領受的仁慈如此之多，又深刻領悟了天主的偉大與莊嚴，所以必定極難忍受對自身罪過的記憶，那是他們懷著最柔軟的悲傷所哀悼的。

6. 你們或許以為，領受了如此崇高恩惠的靈魂不需要默想我們的主耶穌基督至聖人性的奧秘，而將完全沉浸在愛中。我在別處已對此詳加論述。³³²有人反駁我，說我錯了，說我不了解這件事；說主引領靈魂的方式，是在它進步之後，最好操練關於天主性的事，而避免那些有形可見的事；然而，無論如何，我不能承認這後一種做法是正確的。

7. 也許是我弄錯了，我們說的或許根本是同一件事；但我發現魔鬼曾試圖以這種方式引我走入歧途。由於在這件事上有過親身的教訓，我決定在這裡再次論及它，雖然我在其他地方已多次這樣做。³³³在這個問題上要格外謹慎：請留意我所冒昧陳述的，不要相信任何告訴你相反意見的人。我將設法比先前更清楚地說明。假如那位撰寫此事的人說得更明確，那就好了，因為以籠統的方式對我們婦人說這件事，可能造成很大的傷害——我們的悟性本就有限。

8. 有些靈魂以為連苦難都無法默想，更遑論至福童貞瑪利亞或諸位聖人；那些聖人的生平令我們大獲裨益、得到力量。³³⁴我實在想不出這樣的人要默想什麼，因為要像天使那樣排除一切有形可見之物——天使的愛是永遠熾熱的——在我們仍處於肉身之中時是辦不到的；我們需要研究、默想，並效法那些和我們一樣是必死之人、卻為天主建立了英勇功業的人。更何況，我們又怎能主動竭力避免思念我們的唯一善、唯一良藥——我們的主耶穌基督的至聖人性？我無法相信有人真的這樣做，他們是誤解了自己的心靈，因而傷害了自己和他人。至少這一點我可以向他們保證：以這種方式，他們永遠無法進入城堡最後的兩重居所。若失去我們的嚮導、好耶穌，他們找不到路；若能安然留在前幾重居所，已是萬幸。主親口說祂是「道路」，也說祂是「光」；說除祂以外，沒有人能到父那裡去；又說「見了我，就是見了父。」³³⁵

9. 這樣的人告訴我們，這些話另有其他含義；我只知道我的靈魂一向認定的那個含義，那也始終最合適我。有些人——其中不少曾與我談過這個問題——在主一旦將他們提升到完全的默觀之後，便希望持續享有這種狀態。這是不可能的；然而這境界的恩寵在他們靈魂裡的留存方式，使他們無法像從前那樣推理默想基督的苦難和生平的奧秘。我無法解釋其所以然，但心靈不再擅長這種默想，是很常見的情形。我想，這是因為默想的目的本在於尋找天主，既然已找到了，靈魂又習慣於再次借助意志去尋找祂，便不再費力以理智去搜尋祂。

10. 我也認為，由於意志已被愛所點燃，這寬宏的官能若有可能，便會停止借助理智。這本是好的，只可惜辦不到，尤其是在靈魂尚未到達最後兩重居所之前。³³⁶如此一來，祈禱的時間便白費了，因為意志時常需要借助理智來重新點燃愛火。姐妹們，請留意這一點，我要更詳細地說明，因為這很重要。這樣的靈魂渴望把所有時間都用在愛天主上，不想做其他任何事；但它辦不到，因為儘管意志並未熄滅，點燃它的火焰卻在熄滅，那星火需要被扇燃。靈魂是否應當在這枯燥中保持靜默，等待主的火從天降下，³³⁷如同我們的父厄里亞等待的那樣，燃燒它向天主獻上的祭物？當然不是；期盼奇蹟是不對的——天主在祂願意時，自會為這靈魂行奇蹟。正如我已告訴你們的，以後也會再說，天主陛下希望我們自認配不上這些奇蹟，也希望我們盡力幫助自己。

11. 依我看，無論我們的祈禱多麼崇高，在整個人生中都應這樣行。誠然，那些主接納進入第七重居所的靈魂，很少或幾乎不需要這樣激發熱忱——原因我等到寫那重居所時再告訴你們；在那裡，以一種奇妙的方式，靈魂持續與基督我們的主同在，無論是在祂的人性還是天主性中。³³⁸因此，當我所說的愛火在意志中不再燃燒，我們也感受不到天主的臨在時，就必須如同祂所要求的那樣去尋找祂，如同《雅歌》中的新娘，³³⁹詢問所有受造物「是誰造了它們」，正如聖奧斯定在他的《懺悔錄》或《獨語》中告訴我們他所做的那樣。³⁴⁰這樣我們就不會像木頭人似的，白白浪費時間等待從前享有的那種感受。起初，天主或許整整一年，甚至多年都不再更新這恩賜；天主陛下知道理由，我們不必去追問，也毋需明白。

12. 取悅天主的方式無疑是恪守誡命與勸諭；讓我們兢兢業業地如此行，同時默想祂的生死以及我們欠祂的一切，其餘的就交給天主安排。有人或許回答說，他們的心靈拒絕停留在這些主題上；基於上述原因，這在某種程度上是真的。你們知道，推理默想是一回事，記憶力把某些真理呈現在心靈前又是另一回事。你們也許不明白我的意思——也許我無法把自己表達清楚，但我會盡力。我所說的默想，就是大量使用理智的這種方式。

13. 讓我們先從默想天主賜予我們聖子的慈愛開始；不要止步於此，繼續默想祂光榮生命的所有奧秘；或者先把思緒轉向祂在山園中的祈禱，然後讓思緒延續，直到抵達十字架。我們也可以取苦難中的某一部分，例如基督被捕，駐留在這奧秘中，詳細思考那些值得沉思默想的事，例如猶達斯的背叛、宗徒們的逃散，以及其後發生的一切。這是一種極為優良、功績極大的祈禱方式。³⁴¹

14. 那些在超性方式中被天主引領、被提升至完全默觀的靈魂，說自己無法從事這種默想，是對的。如我所說，我不知道為何如此，但通常她們辦不到。然而，她們若說自己無法駐留在這些奧秘中、也無法時常思念它們——尤其是當公教會慶祝這些事件時——那就錯了。從天主那裡領受了如此之多的靈魂，也不可能忘記這些祂之愛的珍貴印記，那是點燃對我們的主更大之愛的活火星；心靈也無法不理解這些奧秘。這樣的靈魂以更完全的方式領悟這些奧秘，它們以更完全的方式被帶到心靈前、烙印在記憶上——比其他人更深刻——以致只須以一種單純的注視看到主俯伏在山園中、渾身是可怕的血汗，便足以令思緒不僅停留一小時，甚至停留幾天。靈魂以一種單純的目光注視祂是誰，以及我們如何以如此忘恩負義對待祂那令人戰慄的苦難的回報。於是意志——雖然或許沒有感覺上的溫柔——渴望為如此崇高的仁慈盡一點服務，渴望為那為我們受了如此多苦的主而受苦，也在類似的默想中操練自己，記憶與理智也都參與其中。

15. 我想，這就是為什麼這樣的靈魂無法連貫地思考苦難，以為自己無法默想它。那些不默想這主題的人，最好開始這樣做；因為我知道，這不會阻礙最崇高的祈禱，也不宜常常省略這種讚頌。若天主之後認為適合使他們出神，那很好；就算他們不願意，祂也會使他們停止默想。我確信這種方式對靈魂最有益，而不是在達到更高的祈禱境界時竭力使用理智所帶來的阻礙。如我所說，我認為後者在達到較高的祈禱境界時是辦不到的。有些情形或許不同，因為天主引領靈魂的方式多種多樣。然而，不要責怪那些在祈禱中無法連貫推理的人，也不應認為他們無法享受耶穌基督——我們唯一善——的奧秘中所蘊含的崇高恩惠；無論一個人多麼有靈修，也無法說服我省略默想是好的。16. 有些靈魂，在剛開始或進步到一半，開始體驗靜默祈禱、品嚐天主所賜的甘甜與安慰時，以為持續享有這些靈修喜悅是極好的事。讓她們照我在別處建議的，不要那麼沉溺於這種吸納。人生漫長，充滿十字架；我們需要仰望基督我們的典範，看祂如何忍受試煉，乃至取法祂的宗徒和聖人的榜樣，才能完全地承擔自己的試煉。好耶穌和祂的至福聖母是太好的伴侶，不應拋棄，祂很樂意我們為祂的苦難而悲傷，有時甚至要以我們自己的安慰與喜悅為代價。³⁴²何況，女兒們，祈禱中的安慰並不那麼頻繁，以致我們沒有時間兼顧這件事。若有人告訴我她持續享有安慰，又說她是那種永遠無法默想天主奧秘的人，我對她的狀態會深感懷疑。你們要確信這一點；免被這種錯覺所誤，盡力阻止自己不斷沉浸在這種沉醉之中。若你辦不到，告訴院長，使她給你安排繁忙的工作，讓你無暇顧及此事；如此，你便能脫離這危險——若無其他傷害，長期持續的話，也大大有損健康與頭腦。我所說的，已足以向那些需要的人證明：無論他們的靈修境界多高，刻意排除對有形事物的思念，以為默想至聖人性有損靈魂，都是錯誤的。

17. 有人援引主曾告訴門徒、說祂離去對他們有益³⁴³來為自己辯護。這一點我不能接受。祂沒有這樣對祂的至福聖母說，因為她的信德是堅定的——她知道祂既是天主，也是人；雖然她比門徒們更深愛祂，卻是以如此完全的方式，以致祂肉身的臨在對她是助力。宗徒們的信德在那時必定還比後來弱，也比我們的信德本應有的更弱。女兒們，我告訴你們，我認為這是極危險的想法，魔鬼可能藉此最終搶走我們對至聖聖體的虔敬。

18. 我從前所犯的錯誤³⁴⁴沒有走到這一步，但我那時並不那麼在意默想我們的主耶穌基督，寧可保持沉浸的狀態，等待靈性的安慰。我清楚地認識到自己走錯了路，因為我無法持續保持那種狀態，思緒便東飄西散，靈魂彷彿是一隻鳥，不斷飛翔卻找不到棲息之所。如此，我虛耗了許多時間，既未在德行上進步，也未在祈禱上長進。

19. 我不明白其中的原因，又以為自己做得對，若非一位天主的僕人就我的祈禱方式給我建議，我想我永遠都無法明白。那時我清楚地看出自己的錯誤，此後我從未停止惋惜，在那段時間裡，竟未能認識到如此大的損失有多難補回。即便辦得到，我也不願意通過除祂以外的任何途徑去尋求任何東西——我們所有的善都經由祂而來。願祂永受讚美。阿門。

DESCRIBES THE GRIEF FELT ON ACCOUNT OF THEIR SINS BY SOULS ON WHOM GOD HAS BESTOWED THE BEFORE-MENTIONED FAVOURS. SHOWS THAT HOWEVER SPIRITUAL A PERSON MAY BE, IT IS A GREAT ERROR NOT TO KEEP BEFORE OUR MIND THE HUMANITY OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST AND HIS SACRED PASSION AND LIFE, AS ALSO THE GLORIOUS MOTHER OF GOD AND THE SAINTS. THE BENEFITS GAINED BY SUCH A MEDITATION. THIS CHAPTER IS MOST PROFITABLE.

1. Sorrow for sin felt by souls in the Sixth Mansion. 2. How this sorrow is felt. 3. St. Teresa’s grief for her past sins. 4. Such souls, centred in God, forget self-interest. 5. The remembrance of divine benefits increases contrition. 6. Meditation on our Lord’s Humanity. 7. Warning against discontinuing it. 8. Christ and the saints our models. 9. Meditation of contemplatives. 10. Meditation during aridity. 11. We must search for God when we do not feel His presence. 12. Reasoning and mental prayer. 13. A form of meditation on our Lord’s Life and Passion. 14. Simplicity of contemplatives’ meditation. 15. Souls in every state of prayer should think of the Passion. 16. Need of the example of Christ and the saints. 17. Faith shows us our Lord as both God and Man. 18. St. Teresa’s experience of meditation on the sacred Humanity. 19. Evil of giving up such meditation.

1. IT may seem to you, sisters, that souls to whom God has communicated Himself in such a special manner may feel so sure of enjoying Him for ever as no longer to require to fear or to mourn over their past sins. Those of you will be most apt to hold this opinion who have never received the like favours; souls to whom God has granted these graces will understand what I say. This is a great mistake, for sorrow for sin increases in proportion to the divine grace received and I believe will never quit us until we come to the land where nothing can grieve us any more. Doubtless we feel this pain more at one time than at another and it is of a different kind. A soul so advanced as that we speak of does not think of the punishment threatening its offences but of its great ingratitude towards Him to Whom it owes so much³²⁹ and Who so justly deserves that it should serve Him, for the sublime mysteries revealed have taught it much about the greatness of God.

2. This soul wonders at its former temerity and weeps over its irreverence; its foolishness in the past seems a madness which it never ceases to lament as it remembers for what vile things it forsook so great a Sovereign. The thoughts dwell on this more than on the favours received, which, like those I am about to describe, are so powerful that they seem to rush through the soul at times like a strong, swift river. Yet the sins remain like the mire in the river bed and dwell constantly in the memory, making a heavy cross to bear.

3. I know some one who, though she had ceased to wish for death in order to see God,³³⁰ yet desired it that she might be freed from her continual regret for her past ingratitude towards Him to Whom she owed, and always would owe, so much. She thought no one’s guilt could be compared to her own, for she felt there could be none with whom God had borne so patiently nor on whom He had bestowed such graces.

4. Souls that have reached the state I speak of have ceased to fear hell. At times, though very rarely, they grieve keenly over the possibility of their losing God; their sole dread is lest He should withdraw His hand, allowing them to offend Him, and so they might return to their former miserable condition. They care nothing for their own pain or glory; if they are anxious not to stay long in Purgatory, it is more on account of its keeping them from the Presence of God than because of its torments. Whatever favours God may have shown a soul, I think it is dangerous for it to forget the unhappy state it was once in; painful as the remembrance may be, it is most beneficial.

5. Perhaps I think so because I have been so wicked and that may be the reason why I never forget my sins; people who have led good lives have no cause for grief; yet we always fall at times whilst living in this mortal body. This pain is not lessened by reflecting that our Lord has already forgiven and forgotten our faults; our grief is rather increased at seeing such kindness and favours bestowed on one who deserves nothing but hell. I think St. Paul and the Magdalen must thus have suffered a cruel martyrdom;³³¹ their love was intense, they had received many mercies and realized the greatness and the majesty of God and so must have found it very hard to bear the remembrance of their sins, which they must have regretted with a most tender sorrow.

6. You may fancy that one who has enjoyed such high favours need not meditate on the mysteries of the most sacred Humanity of our Lord Jesus Christ but will be wholly absorbed in love. I have written fully about this elsewhere.³³² I have been contradicted and told that I was wrong and did not understand the matter; that our Lord guides souls in such a way that after having made progress it is best to exercise oneself in matters concerning the Godhead and to avoid what is corporeal; yet nothing will make me admit that this latter is a good way.

7. I may be mistaken; we may all really mean the same thing but I found the devil was trying to lead me astray in this manner. Having been warned by experience in this respell, I have decided to speak again about it here although I have very often done so elsewhere.³³³ Be most cautious on the subject; attend to what I venture to say about it and do not believe any one who tells you the contrary. I will endeavour to explain myself more clearly than I did before. If the person who undertook to write on the matter had treated it more explicitly he would have done well, for it may do much harm to speak of it in general terms to us women, who have scanty wits.

8. Some souls imagine they cannot meditate even on the Passion, still less on the most blessed Virgin or on the saints, the memory of whose lives greatly benefits and strengthens us.³³⁴ I cannot think what such persons are to meditate upon, for to withdraw the thoughts from all corporeal things like the angelic spirits who are always inflamed with love, is not possible for us while in this mortal flesh; we need to study, to meditate upon and to imitate those who, mortals like ourselves, performed such heroic deeds for God. How much less should we wilfully endeavour to abstain from thinking of our only good and remedy, the most sacred Humanity of our Lord Jesus Christ? I cannot believe that any one really does this; they misunderstand their own minds and so harm both themselves and others. Of this at least I can assure them: they will never thus enter the last two mansions of the castle. If they lose their Guide, our good Jesus, they cannot find the way and it will be much if they have stayed safely in the former mansions. Our Lord Himself tells us that He is ‘the Way’; He also says that He is ‘the Light’; that no man cometh to the Father but by Him; and that ‘He that seeth Me, seeth the Father also.’³³⁵

9. Such persons tell us that these words have some other meaning; I know of no other meaning but this, which my soul has ever recognized as the true one and which has always suited me right well. Some people (many of whom have spoken to me on the subject) after our Lord has once raised them to perfect contemplation, wish to enjoy it continually. This is impossible; still, the grace of this state remains in their souls in such a way that they cannot reason as before on the mysteries of the Passion and the Life of Christ. I cannot account for it but it is very usual for the mind thus to remain less apt for meditation. I think it must be because, as the one end of meditation is to seek God, after He has once been found and the soul is accustomed to seek Him again by means of the will, it no longer wearies itself by searching for Him with the intellect.

10. It also appears to me that as the will is already inflamed with love, this generous faculty would, if it could, cease to make use of the reason. This would be well, were it not impossible, especially before the soul has reached the last two mansions.³³⁶ Time spent in prayer would thus be lost as the will often needs the use of the understanding to rekindle its love. Notice this point, sisters, which as it is important I will explain more fully. Such a soul desires to spend all its time in loving God and wishes to do nothing else; but it cannot succeed, for though the will is not dead yet the flame which kindled it is dying out and the spark needs fanning into a glow. Ought the soul to remain quiescent in this aridity, waiting like our father Elias for fire to descend from heaven³³⁷ to consume the sacrifice which it makes of itself to God? Certainly not; it is not right to expect miracles; God will work them for this soul when He chooses. As I have told you already and shall do again, His Majesty wishes us to hold ourselves unworthy of their being wrought on our account and desires us to help ourselves to the best of our abilities.

11. In my opinion we ought during our whole life, to act in this manner, however sublime our prayer may be. True, those whom our Lord admits into the seventh mansion rarely or never need thus to help their fervour, for the reason I will tell you of; if I recollect it when I come to write of this room where, in a wonderful manner, souls are constantly in the company of Christ our Lord both in His Humanity and His Divinity.³³⁸ Thus, when the fire in our hearts, of which I spoke does not burn in the will, nor do we feel the presence of God, we must search for Him as He would have us do, like the Bride in the Canticles,³³⁹ and must ask all creatures ‘who it was that made them;’ as St. Augustine (either in his Soliloquies or his Confessions) tells us that he did.³⁴⁰
   St. Teresa may have read this in St. Augustine’s Confessions, (see above, p. 78), or in the Soliloquies, a collection of extracts from St. Augustine, St. Bernard, St. Anselm, etc., which was printed in Latin at Venice in 1512, translated into Spanish and brought out at Valladolid in 1515, and again at Medina del Campo in 15 53, and at Toledo in 1565. The words quoted by St. Teresa occur in chapter xxxi. See Life, ch. xl. 10.  Thus we shall not stand like blockheads, wasting our time in waiting for what we before enjoyed. At first, it may be that our Lord will not renew His gift again for a year or even for many years; His Majesty knows the reason which we should not try to discover since there is no need for us to understand it.

12. As most certainly the way to please God is to keep the commandments and counsels, let us do so diligently, while meditating on His life and death and all we owe Him; then let the rest be as God chooses. Some may answer that their mind refuses to dwell on these subjects; and for the above causes, this to a certain extent is true. You know that it is one thing to reason and another thing for the memory to bring certain truths before the mind. Perhaps you may not understand me; possibly I fail to express myself rightly but I will do my best. Using the understanding much in this manner is what I call meditation.

13. Let us begin by considering the mercy God showed us by giving us His only Son; let us not stop here but go on to reflect upon all the mysteries of His glorious life; or let us first turn our thoughts to His prayer in the garden, then allow them to continue the subject until they reach the crucifixion. Or we may take some part of the Passion such as Christ’s apprehension and dwell on this mystery, considering in detail the points to be pondered and thought over, such as the treachery of Judas, the flight of the Apostles, and all that followed. This is an admirable and very meritorious kind of prayer.³⁴¹

14. Souls led by God in supernatural ways and raised to perfect contemplation are right in declaring they cannot practise this kind of meditation. As I said, I know not why, but as a rule they are unable to do so. Yet they would be wrong in saying that they cannot dwell on these mysteries nor frequently think about them, especially when these events are being celebrated by the Catholic Church. Nor is it possible for the soul which has received so much from God to forget these precious proofs of His love which are living sparks to inflame the heart with greater love for our Lord, nor can the mind fail to understand them. Such a soul comprehends these mysteries, which are brought before the mind and stamped on the memory in a more perfect way than with other people, so that the mere sight of our Lord prostrate in the garden, covered with His terrible sweat, suffices to engross the thoughts not merely for an hour but for several days. The soul looks with a simple gaze upon Who He is and how ungratefully we treat Him in return for such terrible sufferings. Then the will, although perhaps without sensible tenderness, desires to render Him some service for such sublime mercies and longs to suffer something for Him Who bore so much for us, employing itself in similar considerations in which the memory and understanding also take their part.

15. I think this is why such souls cannot reason connectedly about the Passion and fancy they are unable to mediate on it. Those who do not meditate on this subject had better begin to do so; for I know that it will not impede the most sublime prayer nor is it well to omit praising this often. If God then sees fit to enrapture them, well and good; even if they are reluctant, He will make them cease to meditate. I am certain that this way of king is most helpful to the soul and not the hindrance it would become were great efforts made to use the intellect. This, as I said, I believe cannot be done when a higher state of prayer is attained. It may be otherwise in some cases, for God leads souls in many different ways. Let not those be blamed, however, who are unable to discourse much in prayer, nor should they be judged incapable of enjoying the great graces contained in the mysteries of Jesus Christ, our only Good, which no one, however spiritual he may be, can persuade me it is well to omit contemplating. 16. There are souls who, having made a beginning, or advanced half-way, when they begin to experience the prayer of quiet and to taste the sweetness and consolations God gives, think it is a great thing to enjoy these spiritual pleasures continually. Let them, as I advised elsewhere, cease to give themselves up so much to this absorption. Life is long and full of crosses and we have need to look on Christ our pattern, to see how He bore His trials, and even to take example by His Apostles and saints if we would bear our own trials perfectly. Our good Jesus and His most blessed Mother are too good company to be left and He is well pleased if we grieve at His pains, even though sometimes at the cost of our own consolations and joys.³⁴² Besides, daughters, consolations are not so frequent in prayer that we have no time for this as well. If any one should tell me she continually enjoys them, and that she is one of those who can never meditate on the divine mysteries, I should feel very doubtful about her state. Be convinced of this; keep free from this deception and to the utmost of your power stop yourselves from being constantly immersed in this intoxication. If you cannot do so, tell the Prioress so that she may employ you too busily for you to think of the matter; thus you will be free from this danger which, if it does no more, when it lasts long, greatly injures the health and brain. I have said enough to prove to those who require it that, however spiritual their state, it is an error so to avoid thinking of corporeal things as to imagine that meditation on the most sacred Humanity can injure the soul.

17. People allege, in defence, that our Lord told His disciples that it was expedient for them that He should go from them.³⁴³ This I cannot admit. He did not say so to His blessed Mother, for her faith was firm. She knew He was both God and man; and although she loved Him more dearly than did His disciples, it was in so perfect a way that His bodily presence was a help to her. The faith of the Apostles must have been weaker than it was later on, and than ours has reason to be. I assure you, daughters, that I consider this a most dangerous idea whereby the devil might end by robbing us of our devotion to the most blessed Sacrament.

18. The mistake I formerly made³⁴⁴ did not lead me as far as this, but I did not care so much about meditating on our Lord Jesus Christ, preferring to remain absorbed, awaiting spiritual consolations. I recognized clearly that I was going wrong, for as I could not always keep in this state, my thoughts wandered hither and thither and my soul seemed like a bird, ever flying about and finding no place for rest. Thus I lost much time and did not advance in virtue nor make progress in prayer.

19. I did not understand the reason, and as I believed that I was acting wisely I think I should never have learnt it but for the advice of a servant of God whom I consulted about my mode of prayer. Then I perceived plainly how mistaken I had been and I have never ceased regretting that there was a time when I did not realize how difficult it would be to gain by so great a loss. Even if I could, I would seek for nothing save by Him through Whom comes all the good we possess. May He be for ever praised! Amen.