第六章

說明一種效果，印證前章所述的祈禱是真實的，並非出於欺騙，乃是主賜予靈魂的另一種恩惠，使其熱切讚美天主。

1. 靈魂渴慕死亡。2. 靈魂身不由己地渴望這些恩惠。3. 為無法更多事奉天主而哀嘆。4. 出神所燃起的熱忱。5. 過度渴望見到天主應加以節制。6. 此渴望有害身體健康。7. 眼淚常出於身體原因。8. 大德蘭自身的經歷。9. 天主要的是行動，而非眼淚。10. 完全信賴天主。11. 靈魂的歡慶。12. 無法掩藏這喜悅。13. 世界對這歡慶的看法。14. 聖若瑟隱院的修女們常有這種感受。15. 聖人們在此歡慶中的喜悅。

1. 這些崇高的恩惠讓靈魂如此渴慕充分享有那位賜予它恩惠的主，以致生命成了一種雖苦猶甜的折磨，對死亡充滿熱切的嚮往。這樣的人時常含淚懇求天主帶她離開這流亡之地，因為眼中所見的一切都令她厭倦。³⁰⁶獨處能暫時帶來些許寬慰，但悲苦很快又回來，她卻也無法忍受沒有它。總之，這隻可憐的小蝴蝶找不到持久的安息。她的愛是如此嬌嫩，最輕微的刺激便能點燃，靈魂隨即展翅而起。因此，在這重居所裡出神發生得極為頻繁，就算在眾人面前也無法抑制。隨之而來的是迫害與誹謗，³⁰⁷無論如何努力，她都難以擺脫許多人——尤其是神師——向她提示的種種疑慮。

2. 她的靈魂深處，尤其是獨處與天主同在時，感到一種強大的信心；但另一方面，她又深深憂慮自己是否受了魔鬼的欺騙，因而冒犯了她深愛的那位。除非神師責怪她，彷彿這一切都是她自己造成的，否則她不在乎別人的指責。她懇求所有人為她祈禱，³⁰⁸因為她被告知要這樣做，並求天主陛下以另一條不那麼危險的路引導她。然而，這些恩惠所留下的益處如此之大，她不得不承認它們確實帶領她走向天堂之路，³⁰⁹這是她從書中讀到的、從別人口中聽到的、也是從天主的律法中學到的。她竭盡全力仍無法抵抗渴望領受這些恩惠的心，於是把自己交在天主手中。然而她又苦惱，因為被迫希望得到這些恩惠，似乎是違背神師的；她相信服從神師，並避免任何冒犯天主的行為，才是她免受欺騙的保障。因此她寧可被切成碎片，也不願故意犯一個小罪，卻又為自己不知不覺犯下許多小過而深感痛苦。天主賜給這樣的人極強烈的願望，在任何細微之處都不要使祂不悅，也不願犯任何可以避免的不完全；若只是為了這一點，她們也會盡量遠離人群，並深深羨慕那些在曠野中生活的人。³¹⁰另一方面，她們也渴望生活在人群中，希望能讓哪怕一個靈魂更好地讚美天主。³¹¹若是女性，她為自身性別所帶來的限制而苦惱，³¹²羨慕那些能夠自由向眾人宣揚這位萬軍之主是何等偉大的人。³¹³

3. 啊，可憐的小蝴蝶！被重重鎖鏈束縛，無法飛往你所願去的地方！我的天主，請憐憫她，安排她的道路，使她能夠完成一些她所渴望的事，為了祢的榮耀與光榮！主，祢有能力命令茫茫大海退後，命令寬廣的約但河倒流，好讓以色列子民通過，³¹⁴請不要憐惜她，因為有祢的力量扶持，她能承受許多試煉。她已下定決心，她渴望受苦。主啊，請伸出祢的手臂幫助她，免得她把生命虛耗在瑣事上！請在這個軟弱的受造物身上彰顯祢的偉大，使人看見她身上的良善並非出於己，而將榮耀歸於祢！無論代價多高，無論她多麼渴望付出，她都情願犧牲千條生命，只為使一個靈魂能更好地讚美祢。若她有千條生命可以獻上，也覺得用得其所，因為她確知自己連擔一個最輕的十字架都不配，更遑論為祢捨命。

4. 姐妹們，我不知道為什麼說了這些，也不知道是什麼促使我這樣做——我原本完全沒有這個打算。你們要知道，這些效果必然從此類神魂超拔或出神而來：它們不是一時的衝動，而是長久的渴望；一旦有機會付諸行動，便能顯出其真實。然而我怎麼能說它們是長久的，因為有時靈魂在最瑣碎的事上感到怯懦，連為天主作任何工作都顯得過於膽怯？

5. 我相信，這是因為主為了靈魂更大的益處，暫時讓它回到本性的軟弱中；這軟弱頓時使它深深確信，它所擁有的一切力量都來自天主陛下，從而消除自愛，賜給它對天主的仁慈與偉大更深的認識——天主屈尊在如此卑微的受造物身上顯現了祂的仁慈與偉大。然而靈魂通常處於前者的狀態。姐妹們，要留意一件事：這種對見到天主的熱切渴望，有時會令靈魂如此痛苦，以致需要加以節制而非鼓勵——只要有可能的話；因為在另一種祈禱中（後面我會提到），那是辦不到的，你們將會明白。

6. 在我所說的這種狀態中，這些渴望有時可以抑制，因為理智有自由與天主的旨意相符，可以援引聖瑪爾定的話。³¹⁵若這些渴望變得非常沉重，可以轉移思緒到其他事物上。由於這樣的渴望通常見於在德行上進步很深的人，魔鬼可能會激發這些渴望，使我們誤以為自己也屬於那種人——無論如何，謹慎總是好的。就我而言，我不相信魔鬼能製造出這種痛苦給靈魂帶來的那種平靜與安寧，而只會以類似世俗煩惱所帶來的不安來擾亂它。沒有親身體驗過這兩種憂苦的人，無法分辨其中的差別；以為這樣的悲傷是極好的事，便會盡量煽動它，這對健康損害極大，因為這些渴望是無休無止的，或至少非常頻繁。

7. 你們也要留意，這種痛苦有時可能出於身體軟弱，尤其見於感情敏銳、為芝麻小事就掉眼淚的人。³¹⁶這樣的人無數次以為自己是在為天主哀傷，其實不然。若一個人在相當長的時間裡，無論何時只要稍微提到天主或一想到祂，便發作這種無法克制的哭泣，³¹⁷其原因可能是心臟周圍積聚的體液，與天主的愛相比，那才是這些眼淚更多的來源。這樣的人彷彿永遠哭個沒完：以為眼淚有益，便不加遏制，也不轉移心思，反而盡量縱容它。魔鬼藉此機會削弱修女的體力，使她們無法祈禱，也無法守規律。

8. 我想你們一定感到困惑，很想問我要你們怎麼辦，因為我似乎在每件事上都看到危險。若連眼淚這麼好的事我都擔心受欺騙，也許是我自己受了欺騙——也說不定確實如此！但你們要相信，我說這些話，是因為在別人身上親眼見過，雖然在自己身上沒有，因為我本就不細膩，我的心是如此堅硬，常常讓我感到難過。³¹⁸然而，當內心的火燃燒得猛烈，縱使我的心如石頭，也會像蒸餾器一樣滴出水來。³¹⁹眼淚若出於這根源，不難辨別——它們溫柔舒緩，不激烈，也很少造成傷害。這種錯覺（若是錯覺的話），對謙遜的人而言，最多只傷害身體，不傷靈魂。但若一個人不謙遜，就應時刻謹慎。

9. 不要以為哭了很多便已做足了一切——我們必須努力工作，勤修德行，那才是根本——讓眼淚在天主賜予時自然流出，不必強迫自己落淚。這樣，若我們不過分在意眼淚，它們便能滋潤靈魂乾旱的土壤，使其結出豐盛的果實；因為這是從天上降下的雨水。³²⁰不管我們多麼費力地挖掘，都永遠找不到這樣的水；我們甚至常常挖到精疲力竭，連一個水窪也找不到，更遑論一口活泉！

10. 因此，姐妹們，我認為最好是把自己置於天主的臨在前，默觀祂的仁慈與偉大，以及我們自身的卑微，讓祂按祂的意願賜予，無論是水還是乾旱，因為祂最清楚什麼對我們有益；如此，我們得享平安，魔鬼欺騙我們的機會也大大減少。

11. 在這些既苦又甜的恩惠中，主有時會在靈魂內引發一種歡慶，³²¹以及一種奇特而神秘的祈禱。若祂賞賜你們這恩惠，要熱切感謝祂；我描述它，是讓你們知道這是真實存在的。我相信靈魂的諸官能此時與天主緊密合一，但祂讓它們自由，連同感官一同享受這喜悅，雖然它們既不知道自己在享受什麼，也不知道如何享受。這話聽起來像是無稽之談，但確實如此。靈魂的喜悅如此溢盈，不願獨享，便向周圍所有人傾訴，希望他們一同幫自己讚美天主——這是它唯一的渴望。³²²

12. 這個人若有可能，會發出多少歡呼，做出多少表示，好讓所有人都知道她的快樂！她彷彿找回了自己，渴望像浪子的父親那樣，邀請所有朋友前來同慶，³²³看著她的靈魂回到它應在的地方——因為至少在那一刻，她無法懷疑自己的安全。我相信她是對的，因為魔鬼絕無可能將喜悅與平安注入她存有的最深處，使她全部的喜悅就在於催促他人讚美天主。沉默、掩藏這份迸發的喜悅，需要極大的努力。聖方濟各想必有過這樣的感受，當他在田野間奔跑高呼，遇到問他的強盜，只是回答說自己是「偉大君王的使者」。³²⁴其他隱遁曠野的聖人也有同樣的感受，好讓他們能像聖方濟各那樣高唱天主的讚美。

13. 我認識聖伯鐸．亞剛大辣，他就常常這樣做。我相信他是聖人，因為他所度的生活；然而旁人聽到他的言行，常常以為他是個瘋子。³²⁵啊，多麼有福的瘋狂，姐妹們！願天主讓我們大家都有份！祂多麼仁慈地將你們安置在這個地方：若祂賜予你們這恩惠，別人察覺到了，不僅不會使你們受到輕視，反而只會對你們有益——而在世間，人們如此少聽到天主受讚美，難怪他們見到這種事情會感到震驚。

14. 啊，世上可悲的時代，世俗生命的可憐！那些有幸從中解脫的人是多麼有福！³²⁶與姐妹們相聚時，我常常感到欣慰，看到她們心中的喜悅是如此之大，彼此競相讚美主，感謝祂將她們安置在這修院中；顯而易見，這些讚美出自她們靈魂的最深處。姐妹們，我希望你們常常這樣做，因為一個人開始，便會激勵其他人效仿。你們聚在一起，還有什麼比讚美天主更好地使用你們的舌頭呢？——祂賜給我們如此多的讚美理由！

15. 願天主陛下常常賜予我們這種祈禱，這是最安全、最有益的；我們自己無法獲得，因為它完全是超性的。有時它持續整整一天，靈魂如同沉醉一般，雖然沒有失去知覺；³²⁷也不像一個飽受憂鬱症折磨的人，³²⁸後者雖未完全失去理性，想像力卻不斷縈繞某個佔據自己的念頭，無法從中脫離。這些比喻用在如此珍貴的恩惠上未免粗糙，但我實在想不出更好的說法。在這種祈禱的狀態中，靈魂因這歡慶而忘卻自己與一切，無法思想或言說任何其他事，唯有稱頌天主——她的喜悅催促她如此。我的女兒們，讓我們大家與她同聲，因為我們何必想要比她更聰明呢？什麼能讓我們更快樂？願所有受造物永永遠遠與我們一同讚美天主。阿門，阿門，阿門！

DESCRIBES AN EFFECT WHICH PROVES THE PRAYER SPOKEN OF IN THE LAST CHAPTER TO BE GENUINE AND NO DECEPTION, TREATS OF ANOTHER FAVOUR OUR LORD BESTOWS ON THE SOUL TO MAKE IT PRAISE HIM FERVENTLY.

1. The soul longs for death. 2. The soul cannot help desiring these favours. 3. St. Teresa bewails her inability to serve God. 3. Fervour resulting from ecstasies. 5. Excessive desires to see God should be restrained. 6. They endanger health. 7. Tears often come from Physical causes. 8. St. Teresa’s own experience. 9. Works, not tears, are asked by God. 10. Confide entirely in God. 11. The jubilee of the soul. 12. Impossibility of concealing this joy. 13. The world’s judgment of this jubilee. 14. Which is often felt by the nuns of St. Joseph’s. 15. The Saint’s delight in this jubilee.

1. THESE sublime favours leave the soul so desirous of fully enjoying Him Who has bestowed them that life becomes a painful though delicious torture, and death is ardently longed for. Such a one often implores God with tears to take her from this exile where everything she sees wearies her.³⁰⁶ Solitude alone brings great alleviation for a time, but soon her grief returns and yet she cannot bear to be without it. In short, this poor little butterfly can find no lasting rest. So tender is her love that at the slightest provocation it flames forth and the soul takes flight. Thus in this mansion raptures occur very frequently, nor can they be resisted even in public. Persecutions and slanders ensue;³⁰⁷ however she may try, she cannot keep free from the fears suggested to her by so many people, especially by her confessors.

2. Although in one way she feels great confidence within her soul, especially when alone with God, yet on the other hand, she is greatly troubled by misgivings lest she is deceived by the devil and so should offend Him Whom she deeply loves. She cares little for blame, except when her confessor finds fault with her as if she could help what happens. She asks every one to pray for her³⁰⁸ since she has been told to do so, and begs His Majesty to direct her by some other way than this which is so full of danger. Nevertheless, so great are the benefits left by these favours that she cannot but see that they lead her on the way to heaven,³⁰⁹ of which she has read and heard and learnt in the law of God. As, strive how she may, she cannot resist desiring to receive these graces, she resigns herself into God’s hands. Yet she is grieved at finding herself forced to wish for these favours which appears to be disobedience to her confessor, for she believes that in obedience, and in avoiding any offence against God, lies her safeguard against deception. Thus she feels she would prefer to be cut in pieces rather than wilfully commit a venial sin, yet is greatly grieved at seeing that she cannot avoid unwittingly falling into a great number. God bestows on such people so intense a desire neither ever to displease Him in however small a matter, nor to commit any avoidable imperfection, that, were there no other reason, they would try to avoid society and they greatly envy those who live in deserts.³¹⁰ On the other hand, they seek to live amidst men in the hopes of helping if but one soul to praise God better.³¹¹ In the case of a woman, she grieves over the impediment offered by her sex³¹² and envies those who are free to proclaim aloud to all Who is this mighty God of hosts.³¹³

3. O poor little butterfly! chained by so many fetters that stop thee from flying where thou wouldst! Have pity on her, O my God, and so dispose her ways that she may be able to accomplish some of her desires for Thy honour and glory! Take no account of the poverty of her merits, nor of the vileness of her nature, Lord, Thou Who hast the power to compel the vast ocean to retire, and didst force the wide river Jordan to draw back so that the Children of Israel might pass through!³¹⁴ Yet spare her not, for aided by Thy strength she can endure many trials. She is resolved to do so—she desires to suffer them. Stretch forth Thine arm, O Lord, to help her lest she waste her life on trifles! Let Thy greatness appear in this Thy creature, womanish and weak as she is, so that men, seeing the good in her is not her own, may praise Theefor it! Let it cost her what it may and as dear as she desires, for she longs to lose a thousand lives to lead one soul to praise Thee but a little better. If as many lives were hers to give, she would count them well spent in such a cause, knowing as a truth most certain that she is unworthy to bear the lightest cross, much less to die for Thee.

4. I cannot tell why I have said this, sisters, nor what made me do so; indeed I never intended it. You must know that these effects are bound to follow from such trances or ecstasies: they are not transient, but permanent desires; when opportunity occurs of acting on them, they prove genuine. How can I say that they are permanent, when at times the soul feels cowardly in the most trivial matters and too timorous to undertake any work for God?

5. I believe it is because our Lord, for its greater good, then leaves the soul to its natural weakness, which at once convinces it so thoroughly that any strength it possessed came from His Majesty as to destroy its self-love, enduing it with a greater knowledge of the mercy and greatness of God which He deigned to show forth in one so vile. However, the soul is usually in the former state. Beware of one thing, sisters; these ardent desires to behold our Lord are sometimes so distressing as to need rather to be checked than to be encouraged—that is, if feasible, for in another kind of prayer of which I shall speak later, it is not possible as you will see.

6. In the state I speak of these longings can sometimes be arrested, for the reason is at liberty to conform to the will of God and can quote the words of St. Martin;³¹⁵ should these desires become very oppressive, the thoughts may be turned to some other matter. As such longings are generally found in persons far advanced in perfection, the devil may excite them in order to make us think we are of their number—in any case it is well to be cautious. For my part, I do not believe he could cause the calm and peace given by this pain to the soul, but would disturb it by such uneasiness as we feel when afflicted concerning any worldly matter. A person inexperienced in both kinds of sorrow cannot understand the difference, but thinking such grief an excellent thing, will excite it as much as possible which greatly injures the health, as these longings are incessant or at least very frequent.

7. You must also notice that bodily weakness may cause such pain, especially with people of sensitive characters who cry over every trifling trouble.³¹⁶ Times without number do they imagine they are mourning for God’s sake when they are doing no such thing. If for a considerable space of time, whenever such a person hears the least mention of God or thinks of Him at all, these fits of uncontrollable weeping occur,³¹⁷ the cause may be an accumulation of humour round the heart, which has a great deal more to do with such tears than has the love of God. Such persons seem as if they would never stop crying: believing that tears are beneficial, they do not try to check them nor to distract their minds from the subject, but encourage them as much as possible. The devil seizes this opportunity of weakening nuns so that they become unable to pray or to keep their Rule.

8. I think you must be puzzling over this and would like to ask what I would have you do, as I see danger in everything. If I am afraid of delusions in so good a thing as tears, perhaps I myself am deluded, and may be I am! But believe me, I do not say this without having witnessed it in other people although not in my own case, for there is nothing tender about me and my heart is so hard as often to grieve me.³¹⁸ However, when the fire burns fiercely within, stony as my heart may be, it distils like an alembic.³¹⁹ It is easy to know when tears come from this source, for they are soothing and gentle rather than stormy and rarely do any harm. This delusion, when it is one, has the advantage, with a humble person, of only injuring the body and not the soul. But if one is not humble, it is well to be ever on one’s guard.

9. Let us not fancy that if we cry a great deal we have done all that is needed—rather we must work hard and practise the virtues: that is the essential—leaving tears to fall when God sends them, without trying to force ourselves to shed them. Then, if we do not take too much notice of them, they will leave the parched soil of our souls well watered, making it fertile in good fruit; for this is the water which falls from heaven.³²⁰ However we may tire ourselves in digging to reach it, we shall never get any water like this; indeed, we may often work and search until we are exhausted without finding as much as a pool, much less a springing well!

10. Therefore, sisters, I think it best for us to place ourselves in the presence of God, contemplate His mercy and grandeur and our own vileness and leave Him to give us what He will, whether water or drought, for He knows best what is good for us; thus we enjoy peace and the devil will have less chance to deceive us.

11. Amongst these favours, at once painful and pleasant, Our Lord sometimes causes in the soul a certain jubilation³²¹ and a strange and mysterious kind of prayer. If He bestows this grace on you, praise Him fervently for it; I describe it so that you may know that it is something real. I believe that the faculties of the soul are closely united to God but that He leaves them at liberty to rejoice in their happiness together with the senses, although they do not know what they are enjoying nor how they do so. This may sound nonsense but it really happens. So excessive is its jubilee that the soul will not enjoy it alone but speaks of it to all around so that they may help it to praise God, which is its one desire.³²²

12. Oh, what rejoicings would this person utter and what demonstrations would she make, if possible, so that all might know her happiness! She seems to have found herself again and wishes, like the father of the prodigal son, to invite all her friends to feast with her³²³ and to see her soul in its rightful place, because (at least for the time being) she cannot doubt its security. I believe she is right, for the devil could not possibly infuse a joy and peace into the very centre of her being which make her whole delight consist in urging others to praise God. It requires a painful effort to keep silent and to dissemble such impulsive happiness. St. Francis must have experienced this when, as the robbers met him rushing through the fields crying aloud, he told them in answer to their questions that he was the ‘herald of the great King.’³²⁴ So felt other saints who retired into the deserts so that, like St. Francis, they might proclaim the praises of their God.

13. I knew Fray Peter of Alcantara who used to do this. I believe he was a saint on account of the life he led, yet people often took him for a fool when they heard him.³²⁵ Oh happy folly, sisters! Would that God might let us all share it! What mercy He has shown you in placing you where, if He gave you this grace and it were perceived by others, it would rather turn to your advantage than bring on you contempt as it would do in the world, where men so rarely hear God praised that it is no wonder they take scandal at it.

14. Oh miserable times and wretched life spent in the world! How blest are those whose happy lot it is to be freed from them!³²⁶ It often delights me, when in my sisters’ company to see how the joy of their hearts is so great that they vie with one another in praising our Lord for placing them in this convent: it is evident that their praises come from the very depths of their souls. I should like you to do this often, sisters, for when one begins she incites the rest to imitate her. How can your tongues be better employed when you are together than in praising God, Who has given us so much cause for it?

15. May His Majesty often grant us this kind of prayer which is most safe and beneficial; we cannot acquire it for ourselves as it is quite supernatural. Sometimes it lasts for a whole day and the soul is like one inebriated, although not deprived of the senses;³²⁷ nor like a person afflicted with melancholia,³²⁸ in which, though the reason is not entirely lost, the imagination continually dwells on some subject which possesses it and from which it cannot be freed. These are coarse comparisons to make in connection with such a precious gift, yet nothing else occurs to my mind. In this state of prayer a person is rendered by this jubilee so forgetful of self and everything else that she can neither think nor speak of anything but praising God, to which her joy prompts her. Let us all of us join her, my daughters, for why should we wish to be wiser than she? What can make us happier? And may all creatures unite their praises with ours for ever and ever. Amen, amen, amen!