第九章

論述想像性神見、以及天主陛下於此類神見中通常顯現的方式。警告不可渴望這些神見；說明何時可以辨認是真是假。本章對那些沒有神見的人也極有用處，因為它揭示了如何謙遜地行走。

1. 現在我們來談論想像性神見。一般認為，魔鬼透過這種神見欺騙人比我已描述的其他神見更容易，這或許是真的。然而，凡出於天主的想像性神見，在某種意義上對我們比那些更有益處，因為更符合我們的本性——第七重居所中主所賜的神見除外，那些遠超一切。上一章所描述的主的臨在，可以用這個比喻來說明。讓我們假設，我們擁有一個金質項鍊盒，裡面有一顆具有極高價值和力量的寶石，雖然我們從未親眼見到，卻確信它在盒子裡；我們配戴時，它的力量對我們有益。雖然我們從未凝視過它，卻珍視它，因為由經驗知道，它治癒了我們一些本屬於它的療效的疾病。然而，我們不敢看它，也無法打開盒子，即便想要也辦不到，因為只有珠寶的主人知道打開盒子的秘密。他把盒子借給我們使用，卻把鑰匙留在自己那裡；他選擇何時向我們展示裡面的東西，就何時打開，又在覺得合適時重新關上。

2. 主在這裡就是這樣對待我們的。現在，假設這項鍊盒的主人有時突然打開它，為了把它交託的那個人的益處；那個人想必因為記憶那鑽石美麗的光彩，而更加珍視它。這正可比擬主樂意愛撫靈魂時所發生的事。祂在神見中向靈魂展示祂至聖的人性，以祂所選擇的形式：或如祂在世時，³⁵⁷或如祂復活後。³⁵⁸這神見如閃電般瞬間而過，然而這最光榮的景象在想像力上留下的印記，我相信直到靈魂最終見到基督、永遠享有祂為止，再也不會消失。雖然我稱之為「圖像」，你們不應以為它看起來像一幅畫；基督以一個活生生的人顯現，有時說話，並揭示深奧的奧秘。你們要明白，靈魂雖然在一段時間內見到這神見，卻不可能持續凝視——就像無法長時間凝視太陽一樣；因此這神見很快就過去，儘管它的光輝不像太陽的刺眼傷害我們的肉眼那樣損傷內在的視覺。

3. 這圖像只以內在的視覺所見；至於有形的顯現，我什麼都不能說，因為我如此熟識的那個人自己從未有過這樣的經歷，無法確切地談論它。³⁵⁹神見中所顯現者的光輝，猶如一種灌注的光，有如陽光透過一層透明如鑽石的薄幔——若果真存在這樣質地的紡織品——而衣袍則宛如細亞麻布。天主賜給這神見的靈魂幾乎都會陷入出神，因為人的本性太脆弱，無法承受如此可畏的景象。我說「可畏」，儘管這顯現比任何人即便活上千年、用全部時間去試圖描繪的，都更美麗、更令人喜悅，因為它遠超過我們有限的想像與理解；然而如此超越的威嚴，給靈魂帶來極大的敬畏。

4. 不需要問，靈魂如何知道祂是誰，或是誰以絕對的確信宣告祂是天地之主。世上的君王則不然；若非告訴我們他們的名字，或看到隨侍的臣子，他們不會引起多少注意。主啊，我們基督徒是多麼不認識祢！到那日祢以審判者的身份來臨，那將是怎樣的一天？因為如今祢以友人之愛前來見祢的淨配，見到祢便令我們如此驚懼！女兒們，等祂在震怒中說出「你們這受詛咒的，離開我去！」³⁶⁰又將是何等情景？讓這一天主賜予靈魂的恩惠所留下的印記，就是這樣的：聖熱羅尼莫雖是聖人，也時刻將末日審判放在眼前，³⁶¹我們將因此對我們會規的嚴苛所帶來的一切磨難漠然——無論磨難多長久，與這永恆的痛苦相比，不過是短暫的一刻。我可以真誠地告訴你們，像我這樣罪孽深重的人，從來不害怕地獄的折磨，³⁶²因為當我想起失落的靈魂會看到主那雙美麗、溫柔、慈悲的眼睛在憤怒中轉向他們時，³⁶³地獄的折磨在我看來簡直算不了什麼。我一生都認為，這將是我的心無法承受的。

5. 那些在神見中主如此向她顯現、以致使她的感官不支而陷入昏迷的人，又該更加畏懼！這必定是靈魂留在出神狀態的原因：主加強它的軟弱，使它得以在這崇高的與天主交通中，與祂的偉大合而為一。若有人能長時間凝視主的這一景象，我不相信那是真正的神見，而更可能是某種壓倒性的意念，使想像力以為見到了什麼；但這樣的錯覺與那真實的神見相比，不過是一張死畫像與活生生的現實相比。

6. 不只是三四個人，而是許多人都曾與我談過這個問題；由此，我從經驗知道，有些靈魂——或許因為擁有生動的想像力，或敏銳的心靈，或其他我不了解的原因——如此沉浸於自己的念頭，以致確信看到了她們幻想所描繪的任何東西。若她們曾親眼見過真正的神見，就會毫無疑問地認出自欺的欺騙。她們自己一塊一塊地拼湊出她們所以為見到的；這對心靈毫無後效，對虔敬的感動甚至不如看一幅聖像。顯然，對這樣的幻想無需理會，它們從記憶消逝，比夢境還快。

7. 我所說的恩惠，情形截然不同。一個人根本沒有想到要看到任何東西，心中連一絲念頭也沒有，突然間，神見完整地顯現，在靈魂的各官能與感官中引起一陣驚恐與混亂，隨即化為幸福的平安。正如聖保祿倒在地上之後，從天上隨之而來一陣強烈的風聲雷響，³⁶⁴在靈魂的內在世界中，也有一陣猛烈的震盪，如我所說，片刻之後便化為完全的寧靜。其間，某些崇高的真理如此深刻地烙印在心靈上，以致它再不需要任何其他導師，因為靠著自身毫無努力，智慧本身已照亮了它昔日的無知。

8. 此後一段時間，靈魂如此確定這恩惠來自天主，無論人們說什麼相反的話，它都不能恐懼受欺騙。後來，當神師向她提出質疑，天主或許讓這人暫時動搖，感到疑慮，擔心自己是否因罪受罰而被允許走入歧途。然而她並未屈服於這些憂慮，而是——如我在談及其他事物時所說的——³⁶⁵這些憂慮對她的影響，就像魔鬼反對信仰的誘惑一樣，可能擾動心靈，卻無法動搖信德的堅定。事實上，攻擊越猛烈，³⁶⁶她越確信邪惡者不可能產生她所意識到的巨大益處，因為他對靈魂的內在沒有這樣的能力。他可以呈現虛假的顯現，但那不具有這樣的真實、威嚴與效力。

9. 由於神師看不到這些效果——也許蒙天主賜予神見的人自己也無法解釋——他們擔心受欺騙，確實有充分理由。因此謹慎是必要的，應給予時間觀察隨後產生的效果。要日復一日地觀察靈魂在謙遜與德行上的進步：若魔鬼摻和其中，它很快就會露出本相，在千百個謊言中被識破。若神師有豐富的經驗，並曾親身領受這樣的恩惠，他不需要多久就能辨明真相。事實上，一聽到神見的描述，他立刻就能判斷是出於天主、出於想像力，還是出於魔鬼——尤其是若他領受了明辨神類的神恩，那麼縱使他自己沒有類似的經歷，憑著學問也能立刻明白。

10. 姐妹們，關鍵在於：你們要對神師完全坦誠直接——我不是說坦承罪過，那是不言而喻的——而是在向他說明你的祈禱上。³⁶⁷若非如此，我無法保證你的安全，也無法說你是被天主引領的。主渴望我們對那些代替祂的人，就如同對祂本身一樣坦誠開放：不只希望他們知道我們的思想，尤其要知道我們所有行為的一切，無論多麼微小。如此，你便不需感到困擾或焦慮；³⁶⁸因為縱使你的神見不出於天主，只要你謙遜、良心清白，對你也無害，因為天主陛下知道如何從惡中榨取善。魔鬼本想傷害你的，反而對你有益：相信天主賜予了你如此顯著的恩惠，你會更努力取悅祂，並把祂的形象時刻保持在記憶中。

11. 有一位偉大的神學家³⁶⁹曾說，縱使魔鬼——這個精明的畫家——在他眼前呈現了基督活生生的圖像，他也不會為此困擾，因為這只會點燃他的虔敬，並以惡者自己的武器擊敗它。無論藝術家多麼邪惡，我們都應該尊敬他描繪我們唯一善的畫作。這位偉大的學者認為，勸任何人在見到主的神見時表示輕蔑的手勢，是大錯特錯，³⁷⁰因為我們有義務無論在何處見到君王的肖像都應加以尊敬。我確信他是對的，因為就連在世俗上，與一個人交好的人，若見到他的肖像受到輕視，也會引以為冒犯。更何況，無論在何處見到苦像或我們天上君王的聖像，我們都應時常表示敬意！雖然我在別處也寫過這件事，我很高興現在有機會再說一遍，因為我認識一個人，被命令這樣做時深感痛苦。我不知道是誰發明了這樣折磨一個認為自己有義務遵從神師建議的人；因為若她不服從，她會以為靈魂有危險。我的建議是：若你收到這樣的命令，以我所陳述的理由謙遜地向神師分說，不要執行。我對建議我此事的那位所給出的理由完全滿意。

12. 靈魂從主所賜這恩惠所獲得的一大益處，是當它默想祂或祂的生平與苦難時，記憶起祂那溫柔美麗的面容，便帶來最大的安慰。正如我們見過一位恩人之後，比從未與他相識時感到更快樂。我可以向你們保證，這神見所帶來的喜悅的記憶，給我們帶來最大的安慰與幫助。

13. 還有許多其他益處；但由於我在別處³⁷¹已詳細論及這些神見所產生的效果，後面還必須再做說明，我現在不再多說，免得令你我都感疲倦。但我最誠懇地忠告你們：當你們得知或聽說天主把這些恩惠賜予他人時，千萬不要祈求，也不要渴望自己以這種方式被引領——雖然那看起來對你可能非常美好；確實，它應當受到高度的敬重與珍視，然而沒有人應當尋求走這條路，理由有幾點。首先，渴望自己不配得的事是缺乏謙遜；我認為，強烈渴望這些恩惠的人，不可能是真正謙遜的：一個普通勞工從不夢想被立為君王——這事看來不可能，他也不配；謙遜的心對這些天主的恩惠也有同樣的感覺。我不相信天主會把這些禮物賜給這樣的人，因為在賜予之前，祂總是先賜予徹底的自我認識。那個心中充滿這種崇高渴望的靈魂，如何能領悟到祂沒有把它扔進地獄，已是莫大的仁慈呢？

14. 其次，這樣的人幾乎可以確定地受欺騙，或至少身處受錯覺欺騙的極大危險，因為大門就此向魔鬼敞開，它只需看到門縫留了一條縫，就立刻溜進來，對我們耍弄千百個把戲。

15. 其三：當人強烈渴望一樣事物，想像力就使他們以為見到或聽到了它，就像一個人整天把心思放在某個主題上，晚上就夢見它。

16. 其四：不知道什麼對我有益，就為自己選擇一條道路，那將是極大的妄自尊大。³⁷²我應當讓認識我靈魂的主以最適合我的方式引領我，好讓祂的旨意在一切事上得以成全。

17. 其五：你以為蒙主賜予這些恩惠的人受苦不多嗎？不，絕非如此！她們的試煉極為嚴峻，種類繁多。你怎能確定自己能夠承受？

18. 其六：也許你認為對你是得益的，可能反而成為你的損失，就如撒烏耳被立為君王時所發生的。³⁷³總之，姐妹們，除了這些還有其他理由；請相信我，只願意天主所願的，才是最安全的——祂比我們更了解我們，又愛我們。讓我們完全把自己交在祂手中，使祂的旨意在我們身上成全；若我們的意志始終堅定地如此，我們決不會走入歧途。

19. 你們要知道，因為領受了許多這類恩惠，你們並不因此獲得更多的光榮，而是更嚴格地有義務服事，因為你們領受得更多。天主不剝奪我們任何可以功績的事物，因為那仍在我們自己的掌控之內。有許多聖人從未知曉什麼叫做領受一個這樣的恩惠，而有些曾領受恩惠的人根本不是聖人。不要以為這些禮物是不斷賜下的；每賜予一個，靈魂就要承擔許多個十字架，以致它不渴求更多的恩惠，只努力更善加使用它們。

20. 誠然，這樣的恩惠是修習德行於最高完全境界的最強大助力，然而靠著自身的艱苦努力獲得這些德行，功績要大得多。我認識一個人，³⁷⁴實際上是兩個人（其中一位是男士），主曾賜予他們一些這樣的恩惠。他們如此渴望靠著自身的代價服事天主陛下，而不倚靠這些偉大的安慰，如此渴望為祂受苦，以致向祂抗議，說祂賜予了這些恩惠；若有可能，他們寧可拒絕接受。我所說的「安慰」，不是指這些神見——那些對靈魂大有益處，應當高度珍視——而是指默觀中天主所賜的喜悅。

21. 我相信，這些渴望是超性的，屬於那些非常熱忱、渴望向天主證明自己不是為了薪酬而服事祂的靈魂；因此，如我所說，這樣的人不是靠著將要獲得的光榮的念頭來催促自己更努力為祂工作，而是在愛中勞苦——愛的本性就是以千種方式為摯愛者辛勤——以此滿足愛。這樣的靈魂巴不得找到一條在祂裡面消融自己的道路；若為了天主更大的光榮，需要他們永遠被消滅，他們也視之為大得益。願那俯就與我們這些可憐受造物交往的主，永受讚美，祂垂允彰顯祂的偉大！阿門。

THIS CHAPTER SPEAKS OF THE MANNER IN WHICH GOD COMMUNICATES WITH THE SOUL BY IMAGINARY VISIONS. STRONG REASONS ARE GIVEN FOR NOT DESIRING TO BE LED IN THIS WAY; THIS IS VERY PROFITABLE READING.

1. The jewel in the locket. 2. The simile explained. 3. The apparition explained. 4. Awe produced by this vision. 5. False and genuine visions. 6. Illusive visions. 7. Effects of a genuine vision. 8. Conviction left by a genuine vision. 9. Its effects upon the after conduct. 10. A confessor should be consulted. 11. How to treat visions. 12. Effects of seeing the face of Christ. 13. Reasons why visions are not to be sought. 14. The second reason. 15. Third reason. 16. Fourth reason. 17. Fifth reason. 18. Sixth reason. 19. Additional reasons. 20. The virtues more meritorious than consolations. 21. Fervent souls desire to serve God for Himself alone.

1. Now we come to treat of imaginary visions, whereby it is held that the devil is more liable to deceive people than by the other visions I have already described. This is probably true. Yet when imaginary visions are divine, they seem, in a certain manner, more profitable for us than the others, as being more suited to our nature—with the exception of the visions sent by our Lord in the seventh mansion which far surpass all others. The presence of our Lord described in the last chapter may thus be symbolized. Let us suppose that we have in our possession a gold locket containing a precious stone of the highest value and powers, which, though we have not seen it, we are certain is in the case, and its virtues benefit us when we wear the pendant. Although we have never gazed on it we value it highly, knowing by experience that it has cured us of maladies for which it is remedial. However, we dare not look at it nor open the locket nor could we do so even if we wished, for the owner of the jewel alone knows the secret of unfastening its casket. Although he lent it us for our use, yet he kept the key for himself; he will open the trinket when he chooses to show us its contents and close it again when he sees fit to do so.

2. Our Lord treats us here in this way. Now, suppose the owner of this locket suddenly opened it at times for the benefit of the person to whom he has entrusted it; doubtless the latter would value the diamond more highly through remembering its wonderful lustre. This may be compared to what happens when our Lord is pleased to caress the soul. He shows it in vision His most sacred Humanity under whatever form He chooses; either as He was during His life on earth³⁵⁷ or after His resurrection.³⁵⁸ The vision passes as quickly as a flash of lightning, yet this most glorious picture makes an impression on the imagination that I believe can never be effaced until the soul at last sees Christ to enjoy Him for ever. Although I call it a ‘picture,’ you must not imagine that it looks like a painting; Christ appears as a living Person Who sometimes speaks and reveals deep mysteries. You must understand that though the soul sees this for a certain space of time, it is no more possible to continue looking at it than to gaze for a very long time on the sun; therefore this vision passes very quickly, although its brightness does not pain the interior sight in the same way as the sun’s glare injures our bodily eyes.

3. The image is seen by the interior sight alone; but of bodily apparitions I can say nothing, for the person I know so intimately never having experienced anything of the kind herself could not speak about them with certainty.³⁵⁹ The splendour of Him Who is revealed in the vision resembles an infused light like that of the sun covered with a veil as transparent as a diamond, if such a texture could be woven, while His raiment looks like fine linen. The soul to whom God grants this vision almost always falls into an ecstasy, nature being too weak to bear so dread a sight. I say ‘dread,’ though this apparition is more lovely and delightful than anything that could be imagined even though any one should live a thousand years and spend all that time in trying to picture it, for it far surpasses our limited imagination and understanding; yet the presence of such surpassing majesty inspires the soul with great fear.

4. There is no need to ask how the soul knew Who He was or who declared with absolute certainty that He was the Lord of heaven and earth. This is not so with earthly kings; unless we were told their names or saw their attendant courtiers, they would attract little notice. O Lord, how little do we Christians know Thee! What will that day be in which Thou comest as our Judge, since now, when Thou comest as a Friend to Thy spouse, the sight of Thee strikes us with such awe? O daughters! what will it be when He says in wrath: ‘Go, accursed of my Father?’³⁶⁰ Let this impression be the result of this favour granted by God to the soul and we shall reap no little benefit from it, since St. Jerome, saint as he was, ever kept the thought of the last judgment before his eyes.³⁶¹ Thus we shall care nothing what sufferings we endure from the austerities of our Rule, for long as they may last, the time is but a moment compared to this eternity of pain. I sincerely assure you that, wicked as I am, I have never feared the torments of hell³⁶² for they have seemed to me as nothing when I remembered that the lost would see the beautiful, meek and pitiful eyes of our Lord turned on them in wrath.³⁶³ I have thought all my life that this would be more than my heart could bear.

5. How much more must any one fear this to whom our Lord so revealed Himself in vision here as to overcome her feelings and produce unconsciousness! This must be the reason that the soul remains in a rapture: our Lord strengthens its weakness so as to unite it to His greatness in this sublime communion with God. When any one can contemplate this sight of our Lord for a long time, I do not believe it is a vision but rather some overmastering idea which causes the imagination to fancy it sees something; but this illusion is only like a dead image in comparison with the living reality of the other case.

6. As not only three or four, but a large number of people have spoken to me on the subject, I know by experience that there are souls which, either because they possess vivid imaginations or active minds, or for some other reason of which I am ignorant, are so absorbed in their own ideas as to feel certain they see whatever their fancy imagines. If they had ever beheld a genuine vision, they would recognize the deception unmistakably. They themselves fabricate, piece by piece, what they fancy they see: no after effects are produced on the mind, which is less moved to devotion than by the sight of a sacred picture. It is clear that no attention should be paid to such fancies, which pass more quickly than dreams from the memory.

7. In the favour of which I speak, the case is very different. A person is far from thinking of seeing anything, no idea of which has crossed the mind, when suddenly the vision is revealed in its entirety, causing within the powers and senses of the soul a fright and confusion soon changed into a blissful peace. Thus, after St. Paul was thrown to the ground, a great tempest and noise followed from heaven;³⁶⁴ so, in the interior world of the soul, there is a violent tumult followed instantly, as I said, by perfect calm. Meanwhile certain sublime truths have been so impressed on the mind that it needs no other master, for with no effort of its own, Wisdom Himself has enlightened its former ignorance.

8. The soul for some time afterwards possesses such certainty that this grace comes from God that whatever people may say to the contrary it cannot fear delusion. Later on, when her confessor suggests doubts to her, God may allow such a person to waver in her belief for a time and to feel misgivings lest, in punishment for her sins, she may possibly have been left to go astray. However, she does not give way to these apprehensions, but (as I said in speaking of other matters)³⁶⁵ they only affect her in the same way as the temptations of the devil against faith, which may disturb the mind but do not shake the firmness of belief. In fact, the more severe the assault,³⁶⁶ the more certain is she that the evil one could never have produced the great benefits she is conscious of having received, because he exercises no such power over the interior of the soul. He may present a false apparition but it does not possess such truth, majesty, and efficacy.

9. As confessors cannot see these effects, which perhaps the person to whom God has shown the vision is unable to explain, they are afraid of deception, as indeed they have good reason to be. Therefore caution is necessary and time should be allowed to see what effects follow. Day by day, the progress of the soul in humility and in the virtues should be watched: if the devil is concerned in the matter, he will soon show signs of himself and will be detected in a thousand lies. If the confessor is experienced and has received such favours himself, he will not take long in discovering the truth. In fact, he will know immediately, on being told of the vision, whether it is divine or comes from the imagination or the demon: more especially if he has received the gift of discerning spirits—then, if he is learned, he will understand the matter at once even though he has not personally experienced the like.

10. The great point is, sisters, that you should be perfectly candid and straightforward with your confessor: I do not mean in declaring your sins that is evident enough—but in giving him an account of your prayer.³⁶⁷ Unless you do this, I cannot assure you of your safety nor that you are led by God. Our Lord desires that we should be as truthful and open with those who stand in His place as we should with Himself; that we should wish them to know not only our thoughts but especially all relating to our actions, however insignificant. Then you need feel no trouble nor anxiety³⁶⁸ because even if your vision were not from God, it could do you no harm if you are humble and possess a good conscience, for His Majesty knows how to glean good from evil. What the devil intended to injure you will benefit you instead: believing that God has granted you such signal favours, you will strive to please Him better and will keep His image ever before your memory.

11. A great theologian³⁶⁹ once said that he should not trouble himself though the devil, who is a clever painter, should present before his eyes the living image of Christ, which would only kindle his devotion and defeat the evil one with his own weapons. However wicked an artist may be, we should reverence his picture if it represents Him Who is our only good. This great scholar held that it was very wrong to advise any one who saw a vision of our Lord to offer it signs of scorn,³⁷⁰ because we are bound to show respect to the portrait of our King wherever we see it. I am sure that he was right, for even in the world any one who was on friendly terms with a person would take it as an offence were his portrait treated with contempt. How much more should we always show respect to a crucifix or a picture of our heavenly Sovereign wherever it meets our gaze! Although I have written about this elsewhere, I am glad of the opportunity of saying it now for I know some one who was deeply pained at being bidden to behave in this way. I know not who can have invented such a torture for one who felt bound to obey the counsel given by her confessor, for she would have thought her soul was at stake had she disobeyed him. My advice is, if you are given such an order, that humbly alleging the reasons I have set before you to your confessor, you should not carry it out. I am perfectly satisfied with the motives given for doing so by him who counselled me on this subject.

12. One great advantage gained by the soul from this favour shown by our Lord is that when thinking of Him or of His life and Passion, the remembrance of His most meek and beautiful face brings with it the greatest consolation. In the same way, we feel happier after having seen a benefactor than if we had never known him personally. I can assure you that the remembrance of the joy caused by this vision gives us the greatest comfort and assistance.

13. Many other advantages result; but as I have written elsewhere³⁷¹ at length about the effect these visions produce, and must do so again later on, I will say no more now lest I weary us both. But I most earnestly advise you, when you know or hear of God’s bestowing these graces on others, never to pray nor desire to be led by this way yourself though it may appear to you to be very good; indeed, it ought to be highly esteemed and reverenced, yet no one should seek to go by it for several reasons. Firstly, as it is a want of humility to desire what you have never deserved, I do not think any one who longs for these graces can be really humble: a common labourer never dreams of wishing to be made a king—the thing seems impossible and he is unfit for it; a lowly mind has the same feeling about these divine favours. I do not believe God will ever bestow these gifts on such a person, as before doing so He always gives thorough self-knowledge. How can that soul, while filled with such lofty aspirations, realize the truth that He has shown it great mercy in not casting it into hell?

14. The second reason is that such a one is certain to be deceived or at least is in great danger of delusion, for an entrance is thus left open to the devil, who only needs to see the door left ajar to slip in at once and play us a thousand tricks.

15. Thirdly: when people strongly desire a thing, the imagination makes them fancy they see or hear it, just as when a man’s mind is set upon a subject all day he dreams of it at night.

16. Fourthly: it would be very presumptuous of me to choose a way for myself without knowing what is good for me.³⁷² I should leave our Lord, Who knows my soul, to guide me as is best for me so that His will may be done in all things.

17. Fifthly: do you think people on whom our Lord bestows these favours have little to suffer? No, indeed! their trials are most severe and of many kinds. How can you tell whether you would be able to bear them?

18. Sixthly: perhaps what you think would be your gain might prove your loss, as happened to Saul when he was made king.³⁷³ In short, sisters, there are other reasons besides these; believe me, it is safer to wish only what God wishes, Who knows us better than we know ourselves and Who loves us. Let us place ourselves entirely in His hands so that His will may be done in us; we can never go astray if our will is ever firmly fixed on this.

19. Know that for having received many favours of this kind, you will not merit more glory but will be the more stringently obliged to serve, since you have received more. God does not deprive us of anything by which we merit more, for this remains in our own control. There are many saints who never knew what it was to receive one such favour, while others who have received them are not saints at all. Do not imagine that these gifts are continually bestowed; indeed, for one that is granted, the soul bears many a cross, so that instead of longing to receive more favours, it only strives to use them better.

20. True, such a grace is a most powerful aid towards practising the virtues in their highest perfection, but it is far more meritorious to gain them at the cost of one’s own toil. I was acquainted with some one,³⁷⁴ indeed with two people (of whom one was a man), on whom our Lord had bestowed some of these gifts. They were both so desirous of serving His Majesty at their own cost without these great consolations and so longed to suffer for His sake, that they remonstrated with Him for giving them these favours, and if it had been possible would have refused to receive them. When I say ‘consolations,’ I do not mean these visions which greatly benefit the soul and are highly to be esteemed, but the delights given by God during contemplation.

21. I believe that these desires are supernatural and proper to very fervent souls who wish to prove to God that they do not serve Him for pay; so as I said, such people do not urge themselves to work harder for Him by the thought of the glory they will gain, but rather labour to satisfy their love, of which the nature is to toil for the Beloved in a thousand ways. Such souls would fain find a way to consume themselves in Him, and were there need that, for the sake of God’s greater glory, they should be annihilated for ever, they would count it great gain. May He be for ever praised Who, in abasing Himself to hold converse with us miserable creatures, vouchsafes to manifest His greatness! Amen.