第二章

繼續同一主題：以精妙的比喻闡釋結合祈禱，並談它在靈魂內留下的效果。本章值得特別重視。

1. 靈魂比作蝴蝶。2. 受造之物的偉大。3. 靈魂與蠶的象徵。4. 為天主的內住預備靈魂。5. 蠶的神秘死亡。6. 神聖結合的效果。7. 熱情增長，淡泊塵世。8. 結合祈禱之後的考驗。9. 渴望離世，熱切地榮耀天主。10. 這份超性的熱切。11. 唯有天主才能施予此恩。12. 靈魂在此如同封蠟。13. 聖女大德蘭的親身見證。

1. 你們也許以為這重居所的內容已沒有什麼好說的了，其實還有許多，因為正如我說的，它所蘊含的恩寵有各種層次。關於結合祈禱本身，我想沒有什麼要補充的；但當天主把這份恩寵賜給一個靈魂，而那靈魂也預備好自己來領受時，吾主在它內所行的奇事，我可以說得很多。我要用自己的方式描述其中一些，也說說靈魂被留在怎樣的狀態，並藉一個合適的比喻來闡明此事，說明雖然我們在天主在我們內的這份工作上毫無主動可言，¹⁷³我們卻能做很多來預備自己領受這份恩寵。你們聽說過蠶絲是如何製成的——那方式只有天主才能設計——都從一粒像小胡椒籽的卵開始。我自己沒有親眼見過，只是道聽途說，若有不準確，責任不在我。天氣溫暖、桑葉長出時，那顆在食物備妥前沒有生氣的小卵開始活了。蠶以桑葉為食，長大後，人們在牠旁邊放幾根細枝，牠便自行從口中吐絲，在細枝上織成一個窄小的繭，把自己埋了進去。然後，這條又大又醜的蟲從繭裡爬出來，成了一隻可愛的小白蝴蝶。

2. 這件事若我們沒有親眼見過，只是從古老傳說中聽說，有誰會相信呢？蠶和蜜蜂這類全無理性的小生物，竟能以如此勤勉精巧的工夫為我們效力，可憐的小蠶甚至為此獻出了生命——光是這一點，姊妹們，就夠你們默想一會兒，不必我多說什麼；從中你們可以學到天主的奇妙與智慧。若我們知道萬物的性質，那該多好！默觀造化的偉大，並為自己是如此有智慧、有大能的君王的淨配而歡欣，是最有益的事。

3. 回到我們的主題。蠶象徵靈魂——當聖神在靈魂內點燃火苗，它開始運用天主賜給眾人的一般助佑，善用天主在祂教會中留給我們的諸般補救：如定期辦告解、閱讀靈修書籍、聆聽講道；這些是針對那因怠惰和罪惡而死、容易陷入誘惑的靈魂所用的良藥。靈魂因此活過來，繼續靠這些食糧和虔誠的默想滋養自己，直到達到充足的精力——這才是關鍵，其餘的我都不看重。蠶長大後——正如我在本章第一段說過的——開始吐絲，建造牠必死其中的繭房。我說的「繭房」，就靈魂而言，指的是基督。我記得曾在某處讀到或聽到，要麼「我們的生命與基督同藏在天主內」，要麼「基督是我們的生命」——¹⁷⁴對我的意思而言，哪句話正確並無大差別。

4. 女兒們，這說明我們藉著天主的恩寵，能夠為自己預備這個家，去促成天主在結合祈禱中成為我們居所的那件事，做了多少。你們也許以為，當我說天主是我們的家、我們能夠憑己力建造並居住其中時，我的意思是我們能從天主那裡減去或加添什麼。確實可以——並非加減天主本身，卻可以加減我們自己，就像蠶一樣。我們所能做的那一點點幾乎還沒做完，天主便把我們這微不足道的小工夫與祂的偉大聯合，賦予它極大的價值；吾主將親自成為我們勞苦的賞報。雖然祂在其中出力最多，祂仍把我們微小的苦痛與祂為我們所受的苦難匯合為一。

5. 向前走吧，女兒們！抓緊完成你們的工作，編織那小小的繭。放棄自愛和自我意志，¹⁷⁵什麼塵世的事都不掛慮，做補贖、祈禱、克己、服從，以及你們所知道的一切善工。按你們所得的光去行；你們已被教導了自己的本分。死吧！像蠶完成了造化使命後那樣死去，那你們就能見到天主，沉浸在祂的偉大中，如同小蠶被繭包裹。我說的「見到天主」，是指以前面描述的那種方式——祂在這種結合中展示自己的那種方式。

6. 現在我們看看「蠶」的結局——我前面所說的一切都是為了引到這裡。靈魂藉著這祈禱完全對世界死去，便如同一隻可愛的小白蝴蝶破繭而出！¹⁷⁶哦，天主何其偉大！靈魂沉浸在天主的宏大中、與祂緊密結合後——雖然只是短暫片刻，我想大概不到半小時¹⁷⁷——是何等的美麗！靈魂確實認不出自己，因為它和從前截然不同，正如白蝴蝶迥異於令人反感的毛蟲。它不知道自己怎麼配得這樣的恩寵，更確切地說，不知道這份恩寵從哪裡來¹⁷⁸——它很清楚自己是不配的。靈魂渴望讚美吾主天主，渴望為祂犧牲、為祂千番死去。它感到一股抵擋不住的渴望去背大十字架，恨不得作最嚴峻的補贖；它嚮往獨居，希望所有的人都認識天主，同時為見到人們得罪祂而深感悲痛。這些事下一重居所會有更詳細的描述；那裡性質相同，但靈魂進展更深，效果也強得多——因為正如我說的，靈魂領受這些恩寵後若努力繼續前進，便會經歷偉大的事。哦，且看這隻可愛的小蝴蝶的不安！雖然它有生以來從未比此時更平靜、更安詳。願天主受讚美！它不知道在哪裡停留、在哪裡安息；嘗過那種高境後，地上的一切都令它厭膩，尤其是天主常常把這種美酒賜給它、每飲一口便留下新恩時，更是如此。

7. 它鄙視它還是毛蟲時所做的事——那一絲一絲慢慢地織繭——如今翅膀長出，可以飛翔，怎能滿足於爬行？比起靈魂的渴望，它所能為天主做的一切，感覺都微不足道。它對聖人們為天主所受的苦不再感到驚奇，因為親身體驗了吾主如何扶助靈魂、改變靈魂，使它的性情和面貌看來判若兩人。從前它害怕補贖，如今剛強；它從前缺乏魄力去放棄親人、友人和財物，行動、決心、與所愛之人的分離，都無法使靈魂脫離世情，反而似乎加深了依戀；如今，就連他們合理的訴求也成了靈魂的重擔，¹⁷⁹唯恐與他們的接觸使自己得罪天主。它對一切都感到厭倦，明白在受造物中找不到真正的安息。

8. 我似乎在這主題上談得很多，其實可說的遠不止此；領受了這份恩惠的人，大概會覺得我說得太簡略了。難怪這隻可愛的蝴蝶與塵世疏離後，要到別處去尋求安息。可憐的小生命能去哪裡？它回不了來處——正如我說的，這不在靈魂的掌控之內，不管它怎麼努力，都有賴天主的聖意。唉，新的考驗又開始煎熬它了！誰想得到在這樣崇高的恩寵之後還會有這些？¹⁸⁰事實上，不論以哪種方式，我們這一生都必須背著十字架。若有人告訴我說，自從達到結合祈禱後便一直享有不間斷的平安和神慰，我會回答說，她根本沒有達到那個境界，頂多是到達了最後一重居所的邊緣，而她所感受到的，想必是某種屬靈的滿足再加上身體的衰弱，甚或只是魔鬼造成的假甘甜——魔鬼給人一時的平靜，只為稍後發動更猛烈的攻勢。我並非說達到這境界的人沒有平安；她們有，而且程度很高，因為她們的悲苦雖然極重，卻如此有益、且來源如此美好，足以帶來平安和喜樂。

9. 對塵世的不滿帶來了一種痛苦的離世渴望，若說心還能找到什麼安慰，那唯獨來自天主願意讓它繼續羈留於世的念頭。然而就連這樣也不足以讓靈魂甘心認命，因為雖然它已領受了那麼多恩賜，卻還未達到後來那樣完全降服於天主旨意的地步。此刻雖然順服祂的旨意，靈魂仍感到一股難以抑制的抗拒，因為吾主尚未賜給它更高的恩寵。在祈禱時，這悲苦以淚水奔湧而出，大概是因為看見天主被得罪、看見許多異教徒和外邦人永遠喪亡、更痛苦的是許多基督徒也在其中，所帶來的巨大痛苦。靈魂體會到天主慈悲的偉大，知道無論人多麼邪惡，仍可悔改得救；然而它憂慮許多人正在主動墜入地獄。

10. 哦，天主那無限的偉大！幾年前——甚或幾天前——這個靈魂心中只有自己。是誰使它感到這折磨人的憂慮？若我們努力默想多年，也得不到這樣的悲憫。

11. 天主助佑我！若我日復一日、年復一年地思考天主被得罪是何等的大惡，失喪的靈魂是祂的子女、是我的弟兄姊妹；若我默想這世界的危險，以及能夠離開這可悲生命是何等的幸福，這難道還不夠嗎？不夠，女兒們。靠著天主的助佑，那樣的憂苦或許可以藉默想得來，但它似乎透不進我們存有的最深處，不像另一種——那種彷彿把靈魂切成碎片、磨成粉末的悲苦，不靠靈魂自己的任何行動，有時甚至連它自己也不願意，就這樣降臨了。這悲苦究竟是什麼？從哪裡來？我來告訴你們。你們還記得——我在前面引用過這段話，但沒有把這個意義應用上去——¹⁸¹新娘說天主「領我進入他的酒窖，在我內按秩序安排了愛」嗎？¹⁸²這裡就是這樣。靈魂已把自己全然交托在祂手中，對祂的愛使它如此馴服，除了讓天主按祂的旨意處置自己之外，它什麼都不知道、不在乎。我相信祂只把這份恩寵賜給那些完全歸屬於祂的人。祂要靈魂在不知不覺間，心神帶著祂的印記走出——確實，靈魂所做的只不過像封蠟受戳記的樣子。它不是自己塑造自己，只需要處於合適的狀態——柔軟可塑；就算如此，也不是靠自己變軟，只需靜靜等候、俯允這印記。

12. 天主啊，祢何其善！一切都是祢為我們做的，祢只求我們把自己的意志交給祢，使我們在祢手中如同柔軟的蠟。姊妹們，你們看見天主為這靈魂做了什麼，好讓它知道自己是屬祂的——祂把自己的東西賜給了它，也就是祂的聖子在世生活時所擁有的那種渴望——這是祂能賜給我們最大的禮物。誰曾比基督更渴望離開這世界？正如祂在最後晚餐時所說的：「我切切渴望」¹⁸³吃這逾越節餐。主啊，那即將降臨的苦酷死亡不是以全部的痛苦和恐怖呈現在祢眼前嗎？「不，因為我熾熱的愛與救靈魂的渴望，遠遠強過那些苦難。我在世生活時受了、至今仍受著的這更深的悲苦，使所有其他痛苦相比之下都成了微不足道。」

13. 我常常默想這事，我知道我一位朋友¹⁸⁴看見吾主被人得罪時所感受、至今仍感受的折磨，是如此難以承受，以致她寧可死去也不願繼續在這痛苦中。我由此想到：一個愛德與基督的愛德相比如此薄弱——與祂相比可以說幾乎等於不存在——的靈魂，尚且感到這種難忍的悲痛，那麼吾主耶穌基督的感受又是什麼？祂的生命又是什麼？因為萬事萬物都在祂眼前，祂不斷親眼目睹人們對聖父所犯的種種重罪。我深信，這比祂的苦難更令祂痛苦得多。在苦難中，至少祂找到了一切磨難的終點，而靠著死亡贏得我們的得救、以受苦向聖父表明祂的愛，也讓祂的苦楚稍得緩解。因此，那些被熾熱的愛所驅策而做大補贖的人，幾乎感覺不到苦，還想做更多，就連那也覺得太少了。那麼，至尊陛下在公開彰顯對聖父的完全服從和對弟兄們的愛時，心中是什麼感受？以行天主聖意而受苦，這是何等的喜樂！但我想，眼見日日重複的得罪天主、以及無數靈魂走向滅亡，必定給了祂巨大的苦楚；若祂不是超乎人類的存在，只要一天這樣的苦難便足以終結的，不只是一條，而是無數條生命，若它們都是祂的話。

CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT: EXPLAINS THE PRAYER OF UNION BY A DELICATE COMPARISON AND SPEAKS OF THE EFFECTS IT LEAVES UPON THE SOUL. THIS CHAPTER SHOULD RECEIVE GREAT ATTENTION.

1. The soul compared to a butterfly. 2. The grandeurs of creation. 3. Symbol of the soul and the silkworm. 4. Preparation of the soul for God’s indwelling. 5. Mystic death of the silkworm. 6. Effects of divine union. 7. Increase of fervour and detachment. 8. Trials succeeding the prayer of union. 9. Longing for death and zeal for God’s honour. 10. This zeal supernatural. 11. God alone works this grace. 12. The same zeal as that felt by our Lord on earth. 13. Christ’s keenest suffering.

1. You may imagine that there is no more left to be described of the contents of this mansion, but a great deal remains to be told, for as I said, it contains favours of various degrees. I think there is nothing to add about the prayer of union, but when the soul on which God bestows this grace disposes itself for their reception, I could tell you much about the marvels our Lord works in it. I will describe some of them in my own way, also the state in which they leave the soul, and will use a suitable comparison to elucidate the matter, explaining that though we can take no active part in this work of God within us,¹⁷³ yet we may do much to prepare ourselves to receive this grace. You have heard how wonderfully silk is made—in a way such as God alone could plan—how it all comes from an egg resembling a tiny pepper-corn. Not having seen it myself, I only know of it by hearsay, so if the facts are inaccurate the fault will not be mine. When, in the warm weather, the mulberry trees come into leaf, the little egg which was lifeless before its food was ready, begins to live. The caterpillar nourishes itself upon the mulberry leaves until, when it has grown large, people place near it small twigs upon which, of its own accord, it spins silk from its tiny mouth until it has made a narrow little cocoon in which it buries itself. Then this large and ugly worm leaves the cocoon as a lovely little white butterfly.

2. If we had not seen this but had only heard of it as an old legend, who could believe it? Could we persuade ourselves that insects so utterly without the use of reason as a silkworm or a bee would work with such industry and skill in our service that the poor little silkworm loses its life over the task? This would suffice for a short meditation, sisters, without my adding more, for you may learn from it the wonders and the wisdom of God. How if we knew the properties of all things? It is most profitable to ponder over the grandeurs of creation and to exult in being the brides of such a wise and mighty King.

3. Let us return to our subject. The silkworm symbolizes the soul which begins to live when, kindled by the Holy Spirit, it commences using the ordinary aids given by God to all, and applies the remedies left by Him in His Church, such as regular confession, religious hooks, and sermons; these are the cure for a soul dead in its negligence and sins and liable to fall into temptation. Then it comes to life and continues nourishing itself on this food and on devout meditation until it has attained full vigour, which is the essential point, for I attach no importance to the rest. When the silkworm is full-grown as I told you in the first part of this chapter, it begins to spin silk and to build the house wherein it must die. By this house, when speaking of the soul, I mean Christ. I think I read or heard somewhere, either that our life is hid in Christ, or in God (which means the same thing) or that Christ is our life.¹⁷⁴ It makes little difference to my meaning which of these quotations is correct.

4. This shows, my daughters, how much, by God’s grace, we can do, by preparing this home for ourselves, towards making Him our dwelling-place as He is in the prayer of union. You will suppose that I mean we can take away from or add something to God when I say that He is our home, and that we can make this home and dwell in it by our own power. Indeed we can: though we can neither deprive God of anything nor add aught to Him, yet we can take away from and add to ourselves, like the silkworms. The little we can do will hardly have been accomplished when this insignificant work of ours, which amounts to nothing at all, will be united by God to His greatness and thus enhanced with such immense value that our Lord Himself will be the reward of our toil. Although He has had the greatest share in it, He will join our trifling pains to the bitter sufferings He endured for us and make them one.

5. Forward then, my daughters! hasten over your work and build the little cocoon. Let us renounce self-love and self-will,¹⁷⁵ care for nothing earthly, do penance, pray, mortify ourselves, be obedient, and perform all the other good works of which you know. Act up to your light; you have been taught your duties. Die! die as the silkworm does when it has fulfilled the office of its creation, and you will see God and be immersed in His greatness, as the little silkworm is enveloped in its cocoon. Understand that when I say ‘you will see God,’ I mean in the manner described, in which He manifests Himself in this kind of union.

6. Now let us see what becomes of the ‘silkworm,’ for all I have been saying leads to this. As soon as, by means of this prayer, the soul has become entirely dead to the world, it comes forth like a lovely little white butterfly!¹⁷⁶ Oh, how great God is! How beautiful is the soul after having been immersed in God’s grandeur and united closely to Him for but a short time! Indeed, I do not think it is ever as long as half an hour.¹⁷⁷ Truly, the spirit does not recognize itself, being as different from what it was as is the white butterfly from the repulsive caterpillar. It does not know how it can have merited so great a good, or rather, whence this grace came¹⁷⁸ which it well knows it merits not. The soul desires to praise our Lord God and longs to sacrifice itself and die a thousand deaths for Him. It feels an unconquerable desire for great crosses and would like to perform the most severe penances; it sighs for solitude and would have all men know God, while it is bitterly grieved at seeing them offend Him. These matters will be described more fully in the next mansion; there they are of the same nature, yet in a more advanced state the effects are far stronger, because, as I told you, if; after the soul has received these favours, it strives to make still farther progress, it will experience great things. Oh, to see the restlessness of this charming little butterfly, although never in its life has it been more tranquil and at peace! May God be praised! It knows not where to stay nor take its rest; everything on earth disgusts it after what it has experienced, particularly when God has often given it this wine which leaves fresh graces behind it at every draught.

7. It despises the work it did while yet a caterpillar—the slow weaving of its cocoon thread by thread—its wings have grown and it can fly; could it be content to crawl? All that it can do for God seems nothing to the soul compared with its desire. It no longer wonders at what the saints bore for Him, knowing by experience how our Lord aids and transforms the soul until it no longer seems the same in character and appearance. Formerly it feared penance, now it is strong: it wanted courage to forsake relations, friends, or possessions: neither its actions, its resolutions, nor separation from those it loved could detach the soul, but rather seemed to increase its fondness. Now it finds even their rightful claims a burden,¹⁷⁹ fearing contact with them lest it should offend God. It wearies of everything, realizing that no true rest can be found in creatures.

8. I seem to have enlarged on this subject, yet far more might be said about it; those who have received this favour will think I have treated it too briefly. No wonder this pretty butterfly, estranged from earthly things, seeks repose elsewhere. Where can the poor little creature go? It cannot return to whence it came, for as I told you, that is not in the soul’s power, do what it will, but depends upon God’s pleasure. Alas, what fresh trials begin to afflict the mind! Who would expect this after such a sublime grace?¹⁸⁰ In fact in one way or another we must carry the cross all our lives. If people told me that ever since attaining to the prayer of union they had enjoyed constant peace and consolation, I should reply that they could never have reached that state, but that, at the most, if they had arrived as far as the last mansion, their emotion must have been some spiritual satisfaction joined to physical debility. It might even have been a false sweetness caused by the devil, who gives peace for a time only to wage far fiercer war later on. I do not mean that those who reach this stage possess no peace; they do so in a very high degree, for their sorrows, though extremely severe, are so beneficial and proceed from so good a source as to procure both peace and happiness.

9. Discontent with this world gives such a painful longing to quit it that, if the heart finds comfort, it is solely from the thought that God wishes it to remain here in banishment. Even this is not enough to reconcile it to fate, for after all the gifts received, it is not yet so entirely surrendered to the will of God as it afterwards becomes. Here, although conformed to His will, the soul feels an unconquerable reluctance to submit, for our Lord has not given it higher grace. During prayer this grief breaks forth in floods of tears, probably from the great pain felt at seeing God offended and at thinking how many souls, both heretics and heathens, are lost eternally, and keenest grief of all, Christians also! The soul realizes the greatness of God’s mercy and knows that however wicked men are, they may still repent and be saved; yet it fears that many precipitate themselves into hell.

10. Oh, infinite greatness of God! A few years ago—indeed, perhaps but a few days—this soul thought of nothing but itself. Who has made it feel such tormenting cares? If we tried for many years to obtain such sorrow by means of meditation, we could not succeed.

11. God help me! If for long days and years I considered how great a wrong it is that God should be offended, and that lost souls are His children and my brethren; if I pondered over the dangers of this world and how blessed it would be to leave this wretched life, would not that suffice? No, daughters, the pain would not be the same. for this, by the help of God, we can obtain by such meditation; but it does not seem to penetrate the very depths of our being like the other which appears to cut the soul to pieces and grind it to powder through no action—even sometimes with no wish—of its own. What is this sorrow, then? Whence does it come? I will tell you. Have you not heard (I quoted the words to you just now, but did not apply to them this meaning)¹⁸¹ how the Bride says that God ‘brought her into the cellar of wine and set in order charity in her’?¹⁸² This is what happens here. The soul has so entirely yielded itself into His hands and is so subdued by love for Him that it knows or cares for nothing but that God should dispose of it according to His will. I believe that He only bestows this grace on those He takes entirely for His own. He desires that, without knowing how, the spirit should come forth stamped with His seal for indeed it does no more than does the wax when impressed with the signet. It does not mould itself but need only be in a fit condition—soft and pliable; even then it does not soften itself but must merely remain still and submit to the impression.

12. How good Thou art, O God! All is done for us by Thee, Who dost but ask us to give our wills to Thee that we may be plastic as wax in Thy hands. You see, sisters, what God does to this soul so that it may know that it is His. He gives it something of His own—that which His Son possessed when living on earth—He could bestow on greater gift on us. Who could ever have longed more eagerly to leave this life than did Christ? As He said at the Last Supper: ‘With desire have I desired’¹⁸³ this. O Lord! does not that bitter death Thou art to undergo present itself before Thine eyes in all its pain and horror? ’No, for My ardent love and My desire to save souls are immeasurably stronger than the torments. This deeper sorrow I have suffered and still suffer while living here on earth, makes other pain seem as nothing in comparison.’

13. I have often meditated on this and I know that the torture a friend of mine¹⁸⁴ has felt, and still feels, at seeing our Lord sinned against is so unbearable that she would far rather die than continue in such anguish. Then I thought that if a soul whose charity is so weak compared to that of Christ—indeed, in comparison with His this charity might be said not to exist—experiences this insufferable grief, what must have been the feelings of our Lord Jesus Christ and what must His life have been? for all things were present before His eyes and He was the constant witness of the great offences committed against His Father. I believe without doubt that this pained Him far more than His most sacred Passion. There, at least, He found the end of all His trials, while His agony was allayed by the consolation of gaining our salvation through His death and of proving how He loved His Father by suffering for Him. Thus, people who, urged by fervent love, perform great penances hardly feel them but want to do still more and count even that as little. What, then, must His Majesty have felt at thus publicly manifesting His perfect obedience to His Father and His love for His brethren? What joy to suffer in doing God’s will! Yet I think the constant sight of the many sins committed against God and of the numberless souls on their way to hell must have caused Him such anguish that, had He not been more than man, one day of such torment would have destroyed not only His life but many more lives, had they been His.