第二章

續論同一主題，藉比喻說明神慰所指為何；並講述我們該如何預備自己去領受神慰，而不是設法去「得到」它。

1. 情感上的熱心在身體上的反應。2. 神慰的效果。3. 兩口泉水。4. 它們分別象徵兩種祈禱。5. 神慰由身體和靈魂一同享有。6. 靈魂內的馨香。7. 此等祈禱中所領受的恩寵。8. 這類恩寵不可強求。

1. 天主相助！我真是離題離得厲害！我竟忘了剛才在說什麼——院務和病痛常逼我擱筆，要等到有空時才續寫下去。文氣大概會很不連貫；我記性極差，又沒空回頭讀寫好的部分，連我真正懂的事也寫得含糊，至少我擔心會這樣。我記得說到：神慰有時和情緒糾纏在一起。這種熱心之情會叫人抽噎不止，我甚至聽說有時會使胸口緊縮，身體出現難以控制的劇烈動作，激烈到鼻血流出，還帶來其他痛楚。¹²⁴

2. 這一點我說不上話，我自己從來沒經歷過這種事；但其中似乎也有可安慰之處，因為如我先前所說，一切終究歸於「願取悅天主、樂在祂臨在中」。我所說的「神慰」——別處又叫作「寧靜祈禱」——則完全是另一回事；蒙天主仁慈、親身領受過的人，一讀便懂。

3. 為了把事情講得更清楚，我們想像眼前有兩口泉，各自連著一個水池。要解說靈性的事，我找不到比「水」更合適的比喻——我學識淺薄，又沒什麼聰明可以倚賴。¹²⁵再說，我太喜歡「水」這樣東西，對它的觀察比對別的事都留心。天主如此偉大、如此智慧，在祂所造的一切之中，想必都藏有奧祕——懂這類事的人說，我們若能看出幾分，必有莫大益處。的確，我相信即便是最小的受造物，就算只是一隻小螞蟻，其中的奇妙也遠遠不是我們所能窮盡的。這兩個水池的注水方式不同：一口水池的水從遠處來，經過層層管道、水利設施才流入；另一口則建在泉眼旁，靜悄悄地就注滿了。假如泉水豐沛——就像我們講的這一口——水池一滿便會漫溢，化成一道永不止息的長流。這邊不需要任何機械，也不用渡槽來引水。

4. 這兩種祈禱的差別正在於此。經由渡槽引來的水，好比藉默想得來的情感熱心：靠我們的思想、對受造事物的默想、以及心智的辛勞而得；簡言之，是我們努力的結果，所以才會有我前面說的那種騷動，雖然仍使靈魂得益。¹²⁶另一口泉——也就是神慰——則是水從源頭本身流出，源頭即天主。照例，當至尊陛下願賞賜我們任何超性恩寵時，我們會在自身最深處感到莫大的平安、寧靜與甘飴；那在哪裡、是怎樣發生的，我都不知道。

5. 這份喜悅不像塵世的幸福那樣，由心立刻領受；它先把心慢慢注滿，再由內向外漫溢，遍及每一重居所、每一種官能，最後才流到身體。所以我說：它源自天主，終於我們自己——凡親身嘗過的人都會發現，我們本性中屬身體的部分也一同分享這份喜悅和甘飴。寫這段時，我一直在想那句「Dilatasti cor meum」——「祢舒展了我的心」，¹²⁷這句話正指出心被舒展開來。在我看來，這喜悅並非起自心臟，而是起自更內層之處，彷彿起自我們存在的最深處。我想那一定就是靈魂的中樞；這是我後來才明白的，稍後會再解說。我發現我們身上有許多祕密，常常令我驚嘆：我不知道的還有多少哪！我的主、我的天主啊！祢是多麼浩大、多麼崇高！我們就像一群懵懂的鄉下小子：自以為認識祢些什麼，比起實情，卻幾乎是一無所知，因為連我們自己身上都有我們根本不曉得的深奧祕密。我說「幾乎一無所知」，是與祢內所隱藏的一切祕密相比而言；然而，我們所能認識、甚至光憑觀察祢手所造的作品就能學到的祢的奧祕，已是何等浩瀚！¹²⁸

6. 再回到我剛引的那句話。它或許能幫我們解說：天上的活水在我們最深處所展開的這份「舒展」。這水似乎在我們內裡使我們舒展、壯大，帶來一種說不出的益處；連靈魂自己也不清楚牠究竟領受了什麼。牠覺察到一種彷彿馨香的東西，好像在最深處有一爐香炭，灑著芬芳的香料。儘管心靈看不見火焰，也不知火爐在哪裡，卻被那溫暖與馨香滲透，有時連身體都感受得到。請注意：靈魂並不是真的感到熱或聞到氣味，而是一種遠為微妙的東西，我只是借這個比喻來說明罷了。沒有經驗過的人，請相信這事確實發生在別人身上：靈魂對它有所覺察，其清晰超過言語所能形容。這不是我們能憑空想像、或靠努力取得的；顯然它並非來自人性的粗鄙銅錢，而是來自天主智慧最純淨的金。我相信這時靈魂的諸般能力並未與天主「結合」，而是被眼前的奇事吸住、震動不已。我這說法，或許跟我別處寫過的有點出入；¹²⁹若真如此也不足為奇，因為那是大約十五年前寫的，或許天主從那時到現在讓我對此事看得更清楚了。當時也好、現在也罷，我在這題目上都可能整個弄錯，但我絕不會存心說謊。不會的；靠天主的仁慈，叫我說一句假話，我寧可死上一千回：我只是照我所理解的來說。我相信這時，意志必定以某種方式與天主的旨意結合。祈禱過後靈魂所留下的效果、以及這人日後的行為，才足以顯出這祈禱是真是假：這是最好的試金石。

7. 上主若使靈魂看出這份恩寵多麼可貴，已是賜下一大恩；若又使牠不從正路退步，那更是一大恩。我的女兒們哪，你們巴不得立刻就進入這種祈禱，這心願不錯；正如我所說，在那裡靈魂既無法估量天主所賜恩寵的價值，也無法衡量那將祂越拉越近的愛；我們當然該渴望學會如何得到這份恩寵。我會把所知告訴你們，只不過有些情形——天主純出於自己的揀選而賜下恩寵，別無他故——我們無權追問，這部分就先擱下。

8. 那就去實踐我在前幾重居所所勸的——謙遜，還是謙遜！天主願意被這一件事「降服」，你求什麼，祂都肯給。¹³⁰你有沒有謙遜，第一個證據¹³¹就是：你既不覺得自己現在配得天主這些恩寵和神慰，也不覺得這輩子有一天會配得。你問我：「不去爭取，那要怎麼領受？」我的答覆是：比起我告訴你的辦法，沒有更穩當的路；所以別費心去爭取。理由如下。第一，領受這恩寵的首要門路，是「無所圖地愛天主」。第二，若以為我們這點可憐的服事就能換來這樣大的回報，那就稍嫌不謙遜了。第三，真正的預備不是貪圖神慰，而是渴望吃苦、效法上主——畢竟我們都冒犯過祂。第四，至尊陛下並沒有應許把這類恩寵賜給我們；祂只應許，我們若守祂的誡命，就賜我們永遠的光榮。沒有這些特別恩寵，我們一樣能得救；什麼對我們最好、我們當中誰是真心愛祂，祂比我們自己看得清楚。我認識幾位走在愛德之路上的人——他們只求侍奉被釘在十字架上的耶穌基督——他們不僅不求神慰、也不嚮往神慰，甚至懇求祂在今世別把神慰賜給自己：這是真事，我確定知道。第五，即使費盡氣力也是白搭：這水不像前面說的那種，要經過渡槽引來；若泉源不供給，我們再怎麼勞苦也是枉然。我的意思是：縱使我們拚命默想、流著淚去求，也弄不出這水來。唯有天主把它賜給祂所揀選的人，而且常常是在靈魂最沒想到的時候。姊妹們，我們是祂的，任祂怎樣待我們，任祂帶我們去哪裡。只要我們真正謙遜、真正把自己看作無物——不只是在想像裡（想像常騙我們），而是真的從萬事萬物中把自己抽離出來——上主不僅會賞這些恩寵，還會賞我們許多連想都想不到要求的恩寵。願祂永受讚美、永受稱頌！阿們。

CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT, EXPLAINING BY A COMPARISON IN WHAT DIVINE CONSOLATIONS CONSIST: AND HOW WE OUGHT TO TRY TO PREPARE OURSELVES TO RECEIVE THEM, WITHOUT ENDEAVOURING TO OBTAIN THEM.

1. Physical results of sensible devotion. 2. Effects of divine consolations. 3. The two fountains. 4. They symbolize two kinds of prayer. 5. Divine consolations shared by body and soul. 6. The incense within the soul. 7. Graces received in this prayer. 8. Such favours not to be sought after.

1. GOD help me! how I have wandered from my subject! I forget what I was speaking about, for my occupations and ill-health often force me to cease writing until some more suitable time. The sense will be very disconnected; as my memory is extremely bad and I have no time to read over what is written, even what I really understand is expressed very vaguely, at least so I fear. I think I said that spiritual consolations are occasionally connected with the passions. These feelings of devotion produce fits of sobbing; I have even heard that sometimes they cause a compression of the chest, and uncontrollable exterior motions violent enough to cause bleeding at the nose and other painful effects.¹²⁴

2. I can say nothing about this, never having experienced anything of the kind myself; but there appears some cause for comfort in it, because, as I said, all ends in the desire to please God and to enjoy His presence. What I call divine consolations, or have termed elsewhere the ’prayer of quiet,’ is a very different thing, as those will understand who, by the mercy of God, have experienced them.

3. To make the matter clearer, let us imagine we see two fountains with basins which fill with water. I can find no simile more appropriate than water by which to explain spiritual things, as I am very ignorant and have poor wits to help me.¹²⁵ Besides, I love this element so much that I have studied it more attentively than other things. God, Who is so great, so wise, has doubtless hidden secrets in all things He created, which we should greatly benefit by knowing, as those say who understand such matters. Indeed, I believe that in each smallest creature He has made, though it be but a tiny ant, there are more wonders than can be comprehended. These two basins are filled in different ways; the one with water from a distance flowing into it through many pipes and waterworks, while the other basin is built near the source of the spring itself and fills quite noiselessly. If the fountain is plentiful, like the one we speak of, after the basin is full the water overflows in a great stream which flows continually. No machinery is needed here, nor does the water run through aqueducts.

4. Such is the difference between the two kinds of prayer. The water running through the aqueducts resembles sensible devotion, which is obtained by meditation. We gain it by our thoughts, by meditating on created things, and by the labour of our minds; in short, it is the result of our endeavours, and so makes the commotion I spoke of, while profiting the soul.¹²⁶ The other fountain, like divine consolations, receives the water from the source itself, which signifies God: as usual, when His Majesty wills to bestow on us any supernatural favours, we experience the greatest peace, calm, and sweetness in the inmost depths of our being; I know neither where nor how.

5. This joy is not, like earthly happiness, at once felt by the heart; after gradually filling it to the brim, the delight overflows throughout all the mansions and faculties, until at last it reaches the body. Therefore, I say it arises from God and ends in ourselves, for whoever experiences it will find that the whole physical part of our nature shares in this delight and sweetness. While writing this I have been thinking that the verse ‘Dilatasti cor meum,’ ‘Thou hast dilated my heart,’¹²⁷ declares that the heart is dilated. This joy does not appear to me to originate in the heart, but in some more interior part and, as it were, in the depths of our being. I think this must be the centre of the soul, as I have since learnt and will explain later on. I discover secrets within us which often fill me with astonishment: how many more must there be unknown to me! O my Lord and my God! how stupendous is Thy grandeur! We are like so many foolish peasant lads: we think we know something of Thee, yet it must be comparatively nothing, for there are profound secrets even in ourselves of which we know naught. I say ‘comparatively nothing’ in proportion with all the secrets hidden within Thee, yet how great are Thy mysteries that we are acquainted with and can learn even by the study of such of Thy works as we see!¹²⁸

6. To return to the verse I quoted, which may help to explain the dilation begun by the celestial waters in the depths of our being. They appear to dilate and enlarge us internally, and benefit us in an inexplicable manner, nor does even the soul itself understand what it receives. It is conscious of what may be described as a certain fragrance, as if within its inmost depths were a brazier sprinkled with sweet perfumes. Although the spirit neither sees the flame nor knows where it is, yet it is penetrated by the warmth, and scented fumes, which are even sometimes perceived by the body. Understand me, the soul does not feel any real heat or scent, but something far more subtle, which I use this metaphor to explain. Let those who have never experienced it believe that it really occurs to others: the soul is conscious of it and feels it more distinctly than can be expressed. It is not a thing we can fancy or gain by anything we can do; clearly it does not arise from the base coin of human nature, but from the most pure gold of Divine Wisdom. I believe that in this case the powers of the soul are not united to God, but are absorbed and astounded at the marvel before them. I may possibly be contradicting what I wrote elsewhere;¹²⁹ nor would this be surprising, for it was done about fifteen years ago, and perhaps God has given me since then a clearer insight into the matter. I may be entirely mistaken on the subject, both then and now, but never do I wilfully say what is untrue. No; by the mercy of God, I would rather die a thousand times than tell a falsehood: I speak of the matter as I understand it. I believe that in this case the will must in some way be united with that of God. The after effects on the soul, and the subsequent behaviour of the person, show whether this prayer was genuine or no: this is the best crucible by which to test it.

7. Our Lord bestows a signal grace on the soul if it realizes how great is this favour, and another greater still if it does not turn back on the right road. You are longing, my daughters, to enter into this state of prayer at once, and you are right, for, as I said, the soul cannot understand the value of the graces there bestowed by God upon it, nor the love which draws Him ever closer to it: we should certainly desire to learn how to obtain this favour. I will tell you what I know about it, setting aside certain cases in which God bestows these graces for no other reason than His own choice, into which we have no right to enquire.

8. Practise what I advised in the preceding mansions, then—humility, humility! for God lets Himself be vanquished by this and grants us all we ask.¹³⁰ The first proof¹³¹ that you possess humility is that you neither think you now deserve these graces and consolations from God, nor that you ever will as long as you live. You ask me: ‘How shall we receive them, if we do not try to gain them?’ I answer, that there is no surer way to obtain them than the one I have told you, therefore make no efforts to acquire them, for the following reasons. The first is, that the chief means of obtaining them is to love God without self-interest. The second, that it is a slight lack of humility to think that our wretched services can win so great a reward. The third, that the real preparation for them is to desire to suffer and imitate our Lord, rather than to receive consolations, for indeed we have all offended Him. The fourth reason is, that His Majesty has not promised to give us these favours in the same way as He has bound Himself to bestow eternal glory on us if we keep His commandments. We can be saved without these special graces; He sees better than we do what is best for us and which of us love Him sincerely. I know for a certain truth, being acquainted with some who walk by the way of love (and therefore only seek to serve Jesus Christ crucified), that not only they neither ask for nor desire consolation, but they even beg Him not to give it them during this life: this is a fact. Fifthly, we should but labour in vain: this water does not flow through aqueducts, like that we first spoke of, and if the spring does not afford it, in vain shall we toil to obtain it. I mean, that though we may meditate and try our hardest, and though we shed tears to gain it, we cannot make this water flow. God alone gives it to whom He chooses, and often when the soul is least thinking of it. We are His, sisters, let Him do what He will with us, and lead us where He will. If we are really humble and annihilate ourselves, not only in our imagination (which often deceives us), but if we truly detach ourselves from all things, our Lord will not only grant us these favours but many others that we do not know even how to desire. May He be for ever praised and blessed! Amen.