第二章

本章續前題，談祈禱中的枯燥及其後果，並論「自我考驗」之必要，以及吾主如何試煉這幾重居所的人。

1. 前三重居所之人的不完美。 2. 考驗顯出我們的軟弱。 3. 由自身過失學習謙卑。 4. 對金錢的貪戀。 5. 心靈的自由。 6. 如何承受輕視。 7. 真正的超脫，須經考驗才能驗證。 8. 德行與謙卑乃要旨。 9. 圓滿在於超脫。 10. 應當努力快速進步。 11. 把憂慮交在天主手中。 12. 謙卑比身體的補贖更重要。 13. 安慰多半要到第四重居所才會領受。 14. 聽聞之益。 15. 圓滿在於愛，而不在報賞。 16. 聖女德蘭因見他人蒙寵而喜。 17. 這些恩寵理當努力追求。 18. 服從與靈修指導。 19. 對他人的錯置熱心。

1. 我認識一些——其實是不少——已抵此境的靈魂，多年來，外表上身心皆度規律有序的日子。看來她們必已勝過這世界，至少對它已極為超脫；可一旦至尊陛下送來極輕微的試煉，她們便心煩意亂、灰心喪氣，叫我又驚訝又擔憂。給她們忠告也是徒然——既已操練德行這麼久，她們便自以為有能力教人；自認為有足夠理由覺得苦不堪言。

2. 幫她們唯一的辦法，就是同情她們的煩擾。⁹⁷看見人陷在這般不快活的境地，誰都不能不替她們難受。可是不能跟她們爭辯，因為她們深信自己純為天主受苦，無法認清自己其實做得不夠完美——對走得這樣遠的人來說，這又是另一層過失。她們暫時感受到這些考驗倒也不奇怪，但我認為她們該迅速克服這份在意。天主為使祂的揀選者明白自身的可憐，往往會暫時撤去恩寵；不必更多，短時間內就足以讓我們看清自己究竟是什麼樣的人。⁹⁸

3. 靈魂這樣學得快——她們將自己的過失看得非常清楚；有時發現自己竟因這麼一點點塵世考驗就被擊垮，比起天主撤去可感的恩寵，更教她們難受。我認為，天主這樣對待她們，是極大的仁慈；雖然行事或許有失，可她們卻在謙卑上大有收穫。我前面說的那一類人則不然——她們以為自己的舉止已是聖人之行，還想別人也這樣看。下面我會舉幾個例子，幫我們認清、並試煉自己，不必等天主來試我們；事先準備、自我省察當然更好。

4. 譬如一位富人，無子嗣繼承，損失了一部分財產⁹⁹，但要養活自己和一家人，還是綽綽有餘。倘若這場不幸竟使他憂悶不安，彷彿要淪落到沿街乞食，吾主又怎麼能要求他為祂捨棄一切？這位富人多半會告訴你：他心痛失去那筆錢，是因為原本想把它佈施給窮人。

5. 我相信至尊陛下寧可我順服祂的旨意、在打理自己事務時靈魂仍保持平安，也不要這種「慈善」。倘若此人無法放下，那是因為天主並未把他的德行提升到那麼高的程度；那也好，至少讓他明白：自己缺乏心靈的自由；請他懇求吾主賜給他，並把心預備好去領受。又有一人，已有遠超溫飽的家當；忽而冒出個機會可再增置產業：若是不請自來，便儘管收下；可若得繞路、勞神去爭，再不停勞作以求愈多——縱使他用心極好（也必須是好的，因為我說的是過著祈禱與善行生活的人）——他也斷無可能走進靠近國王的那幾重居所。

6. 同樣的事，也會發生在這類人遇上輕視或得不到應有的尊重時。天主常賜下恩寵，使他們能好好承受——因為祂喜歡看到德行在眾人面前被尊崇，不願守德的人因德受辱；又或因為這些人忠心事奉了祂，而祂——我們至高的善——對我們眾人也都極為慈善。然而，這些人仍覺難受，好一陣子都壓不下、也擺脫不了那感覺。¹⁰⁰唉！他們不是早就默想吾主所忍受的痛苦、明白「為主受苦於我們有何等好處」、甚至渴望這樣嗎？他們希望人人都跟自己一樣有德；願天主使他們別把自己的煩擾歸咎別人、又把功勞算到自己頭上！

7. 我的女兒們，妳們也許會覺得我已扯遠，這些事好像和我們無關：在我們這裡，我們既不擁有產業、也不渴望、不去謀取，也沒有人虧待我們。我所舉的例子未必跟我們完全對應，但仍可從中引出適用我們的結論，那些就無須一一明說了。這些話能讓妳們檢驗：自己是否真正脫離了已經捨下的一切。瑣碎的事天天都有，雖未必同類，妳們仍可藉此向自己證明：是否已勝過自己的種種情緒。

8. 相信我，重點不在於有沒有穿會衣，而在於我們有沒有操練德行、有沒有把自己的意志在一切事上順服天主的旨意。我們生命的目標必須是做祂所要求的事：別求我們的旨意成全，要求祂的旨意成全。倘若還沒做到這點，就如前面所說，要謙卑。謙卑是我們傷口的膏藥；只要我們有它，醫者天主就會來醫治我們，雖然祂或許會延一陣子才來。 9. 我所說的這些人，他們的補贖和生活一樣井然有序；他們極珍惜自己的生命，因為他們要拿這條命來事奉吾主——這沒什麼可責備的——所以在苦行上極為謹慎，免得傷了身體。別怕他們會把自己累死：他們太精明了！他們的愛還不夠強，壓不過理智。我倒希望愛能更強些，好叫他們不再滿足於慢吞吞地爬向天主——這種步伐絕到不了旅程的終點！

10. 我們自以為在前進，卻不知不覺地疲累——因為，相信我，我們是在霧裡走路；不迷路就算幸運了。我的女兒們，妳們想：如果一段路八天就能走完，把它拖成一年——一路風雪、洪水、爛路¹⁰¹——這算是好事嗎？這條路又險又多蛇，難道不該一鼓作氣走完嗎？唉，這方面我能舉的鮮明例子何其多！願天主使我自己已走出此境；可我常感到自己尚未走出。

11. 當「謹慎」凡事都得作主時，事事都成了攔阻；我們什麼都怕，連前進都怕——倒像能由別人替我們走完內室之路似的！姐妹們，這是不可能的事；為了天主的愛，讓我們努力，把理智與懼怕都交在祂手裡，別顧念那些可能拖累我們的本性軟弱。要讓有此職責的長上去照顧我們的身體；我們只該關心一件事——快快奔到吾主面前。雖然這裡可得的「特赦」少，甚至沒有，過度顧念健康卻可能誤導我們；如此呵護自己也未必會比較好——這點我深知。

12. 我也知道：在眼前這份功業中，身體並非主角，只是附帶的；極致的謙卑才是要點。我相信，正是缺了這一條，人才停在原地。表面上看，我們似乎只走了一點點：要承認這是事實，並承認姐妹們進步得比我們快得多。不僅要願意別人把我們看作其中最差的，更要努力使她們確實這樣看。這樣做，靈魂便會穩穩進步；否則便毫無長進，永遠淪為千百種煩擾與痛苦的俘虜。若沒有「捨己」相伴，這路便走得艱難又疲憊——人性的負擔與軟弱壓著我們，到了更內裡的居所，便不再受其拘束。

13. 在這第三重居所中，主從不忘記酬報我們的事奉——祂既是公義的、也是仁慈的天主，總把遠超我們應得的賜給我們，使我們得著比一切塵世歡樂、消遣更深的喜樂。我想，祂在這裡賜下的「安慰」並不多；偶爾賜下，多半是為引我們向末重居所做準備，藉此略示其中所有。在妳看來，「可感的熱情」與「安慰」也許只名稱有別、實質無異；妳或許要問：我為何要將兩者區分開？我認為兩者其實大為不同，但我也可能說錯。

14. 這個分別，留待寫第四重居所時再說最好；那時我必得談到吾主在那裡所賜的安慰。這題目看來似乎沒什麼用，但對知曉各重居所內容的靈魂而言，能催她們努力進入最好的那一重，未必沒有助益。已被天主領得很遠的人，將從中得到安慰；自以為已到頂峰的人則會感到慚愧——但若她們謙卑，反而會因此感謝天主。

15. 沒領到這些安慰的人，可能會生出一種不必要的沮喪——其實圓滿不在於安慰，而在於更大的愛；我們的報賞便按此而定，按我們行事是否公正、誠實而定。妳或許會問：那為何要談這些內在恩寵及其性質？我也不知，妳們去問那位囑我寫此書的人吧。我只能順服長上，不能與他爭辯——那也不是我的本份。

16. 我向妳們保證：當年我既未領受過這些恩寵，¹⁰²也未藉經驗了悟、更未期待會領到（如此才對；若我知道——哪怕只是推測——自己曾以任何方式取悅天主，我便會自得放心了），可是當我讀到吾主賜予僕人們的那些慈悲與安慰，我便滿心歡喜，熱切讚頌祂。連我這樣的人尚且如此，那謙卑而良善的人豈不更要榮耀祂？我想，把這些題目解說清楚、把我們因自身過失而錯失了多少安慰與喜樂顯明出來，是值得的——哪怕只為感動一個靈魂讚美天主一次。

17. 當這些喜樂出自天主時，便載著愛與力量同來，扶助靈魂繼續前行，增進它的善工與德行。別以為「努不努力去求這些恩寵」無關緊要；若妳沒有過錯，主是公義的：祂這邊不肯給的，至尊陛下會以另一種方式賜下，照祂自有的妙法。祂隱微的安排深奧莫測；無疑，祂必為妳行最好的事。

18. 靠天主的仁慈走到此境的靈魂（如前所說，這已是不小的恩寵，因為他們大可再升得更高），若能勤勤地「立刻順命」，將大有助益。即使不是修道人，能像某些人那樣為自己挑一位靈修指導¹⁰³也是好事，免得始終循自己的意志而行——那正是我們大半禍患的根源。挑指導不要挑跟自己「合脾胃」的人¹⁰⁴（俗話說的那種），不要挑做事過於謹小慎微的，要挑徹底超脫世俗的人；找一位學過這事、又能教這事的人來諮詢，極有幫助。看見自己以為扛不住的考驗，別人居然扛得住，且還甘之如飴，這實在叫人受鼓舞。他們的飛行催我們也奮力起飛，就像雛鳥跟著老鳥學——雖一開始飛不遠，卻一點一點學著父母振翼。我深知此事的好處。這類人縱然下定決心不得罪吾主，仍不可把自己暴露在誘惑之下；他們離第一重居所還近，稍不留神就會回去。他們的力量還沒像那些在苦難中受過鍛鍊的靈魂那樣建在堅固的根基上——後者深知世間的風浪不值得懼怕，世上的歡樂也不值得在意；初學者卻可能在任何一場大考驗前倒下。某種劇烈的迫害——魔鬼最懂得如何興起這種事來傷害我們——可能讓初學者退縮；他們熱心想把別人從罪中拉出來時，自己反而被攻擊倒。

19. 讓我們盯著自己的缺失，別老盯著別人的。為人極端方正的人，往往看什麼都看不順眼。¹⁰⁵然而，我們所責備的那些人，常常正是能教我們學到要緊事情的人。也許我們的外在儀態與舉止較好——這固然不錯，卻不是最要緊的。我們不該要求人人步我們後塵，也不該攬下「指導屬靈生活」的責任——說不定連那是什麼都還搞不清楚。姐妹們，「為靈魂謀益」的熱心雖是天主賜的，卻往往帶我們入歧途；最好還是守我們的會規——它要我們始終「在靜默與盼望中度日」。¹⁰⁶吾主自會照顧屬於祂的靈魂；只要我們懇求至尊陛下這樣做，靠著祂的恩寵，我們便能大大地幫上她們。願祂永遠受讚頌！

CONTINUES THE SAME SUBJECT AND SPEAKS OF ARIDITIES IN PRAYER AND THEIR RESULTS: OF THE NECESSITY OF TRYING OURSELVES AND HOW OUR LORD PROVES THOSE WHO ARE IN THESE MANSIONS.

1. Imperfections of dwellers in the first three mansions. 2. Our trials show us our weakness. 3. Humility learnt by our faults. 4. Love of money. 5. Liberty of spirit. 6. On bearing contempt. 7. Detachment proved by trials. 8. Virtue and humility are the essentials. 9. Perfection requires detachment. 10. We should try to make rapid progress. 11. Leave our cares in God’s hands. 12. Humility more necessary than corporal penances. 13. Consolations rarely received until the fourth mansions. 14. Advantages of hearing of them. 15. Perfection consists in love, not in reward. 16. St. Teresa’s joy at seeing other souls favoured. 17. These graces should be striven for. 18. Obedience and direction, 19. Misguided zeal for others.

1. I HAVE known some, in fact, I may say numerous souls, who have reached this state, and for many years lived, apparently, a regular and well-ordered life, both of body and mind. It would seem that they must have gained the mastery over this world, or at least be extremely detached from it, yet if His Majesty sends very moderate trials they become so disturbed and disheartened as not only to astonish but to make me anxious about them. Advice is useless; having practised virtue for so long they think themselves capable of teaching it, and believe that they have abundant reason to feel miserable.

2. The only way to help them is to compassionate their troubles;⁹⁷ indeed, one cannot but feel sorry at seeing people in such an unhappy state. They must not be argued with, for they are convinced they suffer only for God’s sake, and cannot be made to understand they are acting imperfectly, which is a further error in persons so far advanced. No wonder that they should feel these trials for a time, but I think they ought speedily to overcome their concern about such matters. God, wishing His elect to realize their own misery, often temporarily withdraws His favours: no more is needed to prove to us in a very short time what we really are.⁹⁸

3. Souls soon learn in this way; they perceive their faults very clearly, and sometimes the discovery of how quickly they are overcome by but slight earthly trials is more painful than the subtraction of God’s sensible favours. I consider that God thus shows them great mercy, for though their behaviour may be faulty, yet they gain greatly in humility. Not so with the people of whom I first spoke; they believe their conduct is saintly, and wish others to agree with them. I will give you some examples which will help us to understand and to try ourselves, without waiting for God to try us, since it would be far better to have prepared and examined ourselves beforehand.

4. A rich man, without son or heir, loses part of his property,⁹⁹ but still has more than enough to keep himself and his household. If this misfortune grieves and disquiets him as though he were left to beg his bread, how can our Lord ask him to give up all things for His sake? This man will tell you he regrets losing his money because he wished to bestow it on the poor.

5. I believe His Majesty would prefer me to conform to His will, and keep peace of soul while attending to my interests, to such charity as this. If this person cannot resign himself because God has not raised him so high in virtue, well and good: let him know that he is wanting in liberty of spirit; let him beg our Lord to grant it him, and be rightly disposed to receive it. Another person has more than sufficient means to live on, when an opportunity occurs for acquiring more property: if it is offered him, by all means let him accept it; but if he must go out of his way to obtain it and then continues working to gain more and more—however good his intention may be (and it must be good, for I am speaking of people who lead prayerful and good lives), he cannot possibly enter the mansions near the King.

6. Something of the same sort happens if such people meet with contempt or want of due respect. God often gives them grace to bear it well, as He loves to see virtue upheld in public, and will not have it condemned in those who practise it, or else because these persons have served Him faithfully, and He, our supreme Good, is exceedingly good to us all; nevertheless, these persons are disturbed, and cannot overcome or get rid of the feeling for some time.¹⁰⁰ Alas! have they not long meditated on the pains our Lord endured and how well it is for us to suffer, and have even longed to do so? They wish every one were as virtuous as they are; and God grant they do not consider other people to blame for their troubles and attribute merit to themselves!

7. You may think, my daughters, that I have wandered from the subject, for all this does not concern you: nothing of the sort occurs to us here, where we neither own nor wish for any property, nor endeavour to gain it, and no one does us any wrong. The instances I have mentioned do not coincide exactly, yet conclusions applicable to us may be drawn from them, which it would be neither well nor necessary to state. These will teach you whether you are really detached from all you have left; trifling occasions often occur, although perhaps not quite of the same kind, by which you can prove to yourselves whether you have obtained the mastery over your passions.

8. Believe me, the question is not whether we wear the religious habit or not, but whether we practise the virtues and submit our will in all things to the will of God. The object of our life must be to do what He requires of us: let us not ask that our will may be done, but His. If we have not yet attained to this, let us be humble, as I said above. Humility is the ointment for our wounds; if we have it, although perhaps He may defer His coming for a time, God, Who is our Physician, will come and heal us. 9. The penances performed by the persons I spoke of are as well regulated as their life, which they value very highly because they wish to serve our Lord with it—in which there is nothing to blame—so they are very discreet in their mortifications lest they should injure their health. Never fear they will kill themselves: they are far too sensible! Their love is not strong enough to overcome their reason; I wish it were—that they might not be content to creep on their way to God: a pace that will never bring them to their journey’s end!

10. We seem to ourselves to be making progress, yet we become weary, for, believe me, we are walking through a mist; it will be fortunate if we do not lose ourselves. Do you think, my daughters, if we could travel from one country to another in eight days, that it would be well to spend a year on the journey, through wind, snow, and inundations and over bad roads?¹⁰¹ Would it not be better to get it over at once, for it is full of dangers and serpents? Oh, how many striking instances could I give you of this! God grant that I have passed beyond this state myself: often I think that I have not.

11. All things obstruct us while prudence rules our actions; we are afraid of everything and therefore fear to make progress—as if we could reach the inner chambers while others make the journey for us! As this is impossible, sisters, for the love of God let us exert ourselves, and leave our reason and our fears in His hands, paying no attention to the weaknesses of nature which might retard us. Let our Superiors, to whom the charge belongs, look after our bodies; let our only care be to hasten to our Lord’s presence—for though there are few or no indulgences to be obtained here, yet, regard for health might mislead us and it would be none the better for our care, as I know well.

12. I know, too, that our bodies are not the chief factors in the work we have before us; they are accessory: extreme humility is the principal point. It is the want of this, I believe, that stops people’s progress. It may seem that we have made but little way: we should believe that is the case, and that our sisters are advancing much more rapidly than we are. Not only should we wish others to consider us the worst of all; we should endeavour to make them think so. If we act in this manner, our soul will do well; otherwise we shall make no progress and shall always remain the prey to a thousand troubles and miseries. The way will be difficult and wearisome without self-renunciation, weighed down as we are by the burden and frailties of human nature, which are no longer felt in the more interior mansions.

13. In these third mansions the Lord never fails to repay our services, both as a just and even as a merciful God, Who always bestows on us far more than we deserve, giving us greater happiness than could be obtained from any earthly pleasures and amusements. I think He grants few consolations here, except, perhaps, occasionally to entice us to prepare ourselves to enter the last mansions by showing us their contents. There may appear to you to be no difference except in name between sensible devotion, and consolations and you may ask why I distinguish them. I think there is a very great difference, but I may be mistaken.

14. This will be best explained while writing of the fourth mansion, which comes next, when I must speak of the consolations received there from our Lord. The subject may appear futile, yet may prove useful by urging souls who know what each mansion contains to strive to enter the best. It will solace those whom God has advanced so far; others, who thought they had reached the summit, will be abashed, yet if they are humble they will be led to thank God.

15. Those who do not receive these consolations may feel a despondency that is uncalled for, since perfection does not consist in consolation but in greater love; our reward will be in proportion to this, and to the justice and sincerity of our actions. Perhaps you wonder, then, why I treat of these interior favours and their nature. I do not know; ask him who bade me write this. I must obey Superiors, not argue with them, which I have no right to do.

16. I assure you that when I had neither received these favours,¹⁰² nor understood them by experience, or ever expected to (and rightly so, for I should have felt reassured if I had known or even conjectured that I was pleasing to God in any way), yet when I read of the mercies and consolations that our Lord grants to His servants, I was delighted and praised Him fervently. If such as myself acted thus, how much more would the humble and good glorify Him! I think it is worth while to explain these subjects and show what consolations and delights we lose through our own fault, if only for the sake of moving a single soul to praise God once.

17. When these joys are from God they come laden with love and strength, which aid the soul on its way and increase its good works and virtues. Do not imagine that it is unimportant whether you try to obtain these graces or no; if you are not to blame, the Lord is just: what He refuses in one way, His Majesty will give you in another, as He knows how; His secret ways are very mysterious, and doubtless He will do what is best for you.

18. Souls who by God’s mercy are brought so far (which, as I said, is no small mercy, for they are likely to ascend still higher) will be greatly benefited by practising prompt obedience. Even if they are not in the religious state, it would be well if they, like certain other people, were to take a director,¹⁰³ so as never to follow their own will, which is the cause of most of our ills. They should not choose one of their own turn of mind¹⁰⁴ (as the saying goes), who is over prudent in his actions, but should select one thoroughly detached from worldly things; it is very helpful to consult a person who has learnt and can teach this. It is encouraging to see that trials which seemed to us impossible to submit to are possible to others, and that they bear them sweetly. Their flight makes us try to soar, like nestlings taught by the elder birds, who, though they cannot fly far at first, little by little imitate their parents: I know the great benefit of this. However determined such persons may be not to offend our Lord, they must not expose themselves to temptation: they are still near the first mansions to which they might easily return. Their strength is not yet established on a solid foundation like that of souls exercised in sufferings, who know how little cause there is to fear the tempests of this world and care nothing for its pleasures: beginners might succumb before any severe trial. Some great persecution, such as the devil knows how to raise to injure us, might make beginners turn back; while zealously trying to withdraw others from sin they might succumb to the attacks made upon them.

19. Let us look at our own faults, and not at other persons’. People who are extremely correct themselves are often shocked at everything they see¹⁰⁵ ; however, we might often learn a great deal that is essential from the very persons whom we censure. Our exterior comportment and manners may be better—this is well enough, but not of the first importance. We ought not to insist on every one following in our footsteps, nor to take upon ourselves to give instructions in spirituality when, perhaps, we do not even know what it is. Zeal for the good of souls, though given us by God, may often lead us astray, sisters; it is best to keep our rule, which bids us ever to live in silence and in hope.¹⁰⁶ Our Lord will care for the souls belonging to Him; and if we beg His Majesty to do so, by His grace we shall be able to aid them greatly. May He be for ever blessed!