第十一章

本章講述天主如何在靈魂內激起強烈而洶湧的渴慕，直欲得見祂，甚至危及性命；並敘述這神聖恩寵所帶來的益處。

一、恩寵愈深，靈魂對天主的渴慕愈切。二、愛的飛箭。三、心靈所受的痛苦。四、身體上的反應。五、渴慕天主的劇烈折磨。六、這些苦難有如煉獄。七、地獄的折磨。八、聖女大德蘭痛切渴慕天主。九、這種痛苦無從抗拒。十、愛之飛箭所帶來的效果。十一、在此境界中危及性命的兩種靈性危險。十二、此時需要勇氣，而勇氣由吾主所賜。

一、淨配賜予靈魂的這一切恩寵，難道還不足以讓這隻小鴿子或小蝶（瞧，我終究沒忘記牠！）安頓下來，在將要死去的地方歇息嗎？斷斷不是。牠此刻的境況比以往還要艱難：雖然多年來不斷蒙受這些恩惠，卻仍嘆息流淚，因為每一次新的恩寵都加深牠的痛苦。牠眼見自己離天主依然遙遠，而對天主屬性的認識愈深，對祂的渴慕與愛也愈熾烈——牠愈來愈明白這位至高的天主配得何等的愛。年復一年，這份渴慕日漸劇烈，終至嚐到我即將描述的苦楚。我之所以說「年復一年」，是因為要敘述我所提到那人的情形；其實我深知，對天主而言時間毫無限制，祂能在一瞬間把靈魂提升到我所描述過的最崇高境地。陛下有能力成就祂所願的一切，祂也願為我們成就大事。前面所說的渴慕、淚水、嘆息、洶湧熾烈的慾求與強烈的感情，似乎都從熾愛而生，和我即將描述的相比卻幾乎算不得什麼；那些不過是悶燒的餘火，熱度雖叫人難受，終究還能忍耐。

二、靈魂如此被愛火焚燒時，常常只因一個閃過的念頭、或一句談及死亡為何遲遲不來的話語，心中便突然受到一擊，彷彿中了一枝熾熱的飛箭；不知從何處來，也不知如何發生。³⁷⁸我並不是說這真是一枝「箭」，但無論它是什麼，肯定並非出自我們身上任何部分。³⁷⁹我稱之為「一擊」，其實也不是真正的一擊，但它確實深深刺傷了我們——我想，刺傷之處並非肉體能感覺疼痛的部位，而在靈魂最深的中心。這道閃電般的一擊迅速穿過，把我們本性中屬於塵世的部分盡化為粉末。那一瞬間，我們連自己存在都記不起來，因為靈魂的官能在剎那間被繫縛得無法動作，只剩下一種力量——使這折磨更加劇烈。別以為我是誇張其辭；其實我連所發生的一半都講不清楚，因為實在無法形容。

三、這是感官與官能的出神狀態，除了那些使痛苦更為劇烈的官能作用以外，其餘都停頓了。理智敏銳地察覺到與天主分離何等可悲，而陛下又以祂自身的鮮明顯現加深這份憂傷，痛苦因此加劇到極點，使受苦者不由得放聲呼喊，縱然平日最能忍痛、早已習慣苦楚，也無法壓抑。因為這折磨不屬於肉體，卻直攻靈魂最深的幽處。我所說的那人便從中明白：心靈受苦遠比肉體劇烈得多；她領悟到這與煉獄的痛苦相彷，在那裡縱然沒有肉體，折磨卻遠比今世任何苦楚都更難忍受。

四、我見過處於這種情況的人，當時我真以為她要死了；其實那也不足為奇，因為此境確有性命之危。雖然歷時短暫，卻使四肢彷彿脫了節，脈搏微弱得如同靈魂即將離體；而靈魂確實也到了那一步，因為自然的體熱漸漸散去，而超性的火卻如此灼燒整個人，只要再增強一些，天主便可順應靈魂求死的渴望。此刻身體並不覺痛苦，但正如我剛說的，所有關節如同錯位，以致事後兩三天連握筆的力氣都沒有；³⁸⁰我甚至相信，健康會因此永久衰弱。當時之所以沒感覺，大概是因為心靈上的折磨太過劇烈，肉體的痛苦便相形沒入其中；一如當身體某處劇痛時，別處的小痛幾乎覺察不到——這我是親身體會的。在領受這恩寵的當下，身體毫無或大或小的痛楚；我想即使被撕成碎塊，她也感覺不到。

五、也許你會說這是不完美，或者問：她既完全降服於天主的聖意，為何此刻不能與聖意相合？其實至今她一直能夠如此，並為此奉獻了一生；只是此刻做不到，因為她的理智已陷入一種境地，連自主都不能，只想得到愈使她痛苦的事——她怎忍心離開自己唯一的至善而獨活呢？她感到一種奇特的孤寂，在世間任何受造物身上都找不到伴侶；我相信連天上的聖人聖眾也不能慰藉她，因為那些並非她的至愛。此刻一切人群於她都成了折磨。她彷彿懸掛半空，既觸不到地，也上不了天；乾渴難當，卻飲不到水——這不是能忍受的渴，也無任何東西能解；唯有吾主向撒瑪黎雅婦人所說的那活水才能止渴，可是此刻並未賜給她。³⁸¹

六、主啊，祢把愛祢的人帶到何等境地！然而這些苦楚和祢要賜他們的獎賞相比，根本算不了什麼。豐厚的財寶本就當以重價購得。此外，這些痛苦還煉淨靈魂，使之得以進入第七重居所，就像煉獄煉淨將上天堂的亡靈一樣；³⁸²到那時回首再看，這些苦難比起浩瀚大海不過是一滴水罷了。這位受苦者（也是親口告訴我這一切的人）在身心上都飽嚐過許多苦楚，她說：世上任何十字架所帶來的磨難與憂傷，恐怕都無法超越這一境的劇烈；然而與所得的回報相比，仍覺得微不足道。靈魂深知自己本不配領受這般無可衡量的痛苦；這份認知雖不能稍減她的劇痛，卻使她心甘情願承受這些考驗——若天主願意，哪怕承受一生也無怨。對她而言，這不是一次痛快的死，而是活著的死亡；實在沒有別的形容了。

七、姊妹們，我們且記住：那些墮在地獄裡的人正欠缺這種降服於天主聖意的態度，也得不到天主賜給這般靈魂的順服、安慰，以及知道自己所受的痛苦於己有益的慰藉。失落的靈魂只會不斷受更多、更深的痛苦（我是指「附加的痛苦」——就這一點而言，他們的折磨會愈來愈劇烈³⁸³）。靈魂受苦之劇遠勝肉體；我剛才所描述的折磨，和失喪者所承受的相比，實在輕得無法相提並論，而且他們還確知這苦楚永不止息——那麼，這些可憐的靈魂究竟要變成什麼樣子呢？若今生所能做、所能受的一切，能使我們脫離那永無止境的可怕折磨，還有什麼比這更值得？我老實告訴你們：若不是親身體會過，實在難以讓人明白心靈的痛苦有多尖銳、與肉體的痛苦又有多麼不同。吾主願我們明白這一切，好讓我們認清：祂既召我們進入這境地、讓我們靠祂的仁慈得以盼望脫離並赦免自己的罪，我們該如何感謝祂。

八、我們且回頭看那在如此殘酷折磨中的靈魂。這種劇痛不會長時間以全部的猛烈持續下去；我相信從不超過三、四小時。若再延長，人的脆弱本性便無法承擔，除非靠奇蹟。我所認識的一個例子中，這境地只持續了一刻鐘，受苦者便已筋疲力盡；那一擊如此猛烈，她竟完全失去了知覺。那是她偶然聽到幾句詩，詩意說生命彷彿永無止境，當時她正在與人交談，日子是復活節的最後一天。整個復活八日慶期她都如此枯乾，幾乎覺察不到正在慶祝的是何等奧蹟。³⁸⁴那幾句詩是：

Véante mis ojos, Dulce Jesús bueno:
Véante mis ojos, Y muérame yo luégo.

（願我雙目見祢，甘飴的善耶穌；願我雙目見祢，然後我便安然離世。）

九、要抗拒這種痛苦是不可能的，正如人被投入火中，不可能讓火焰沒有足以灼燒的熱度。這種狀態也瞞不過人：在場的人都能看出受苦者處境危險，儘管他們看不見她內心的情景。她固然知道好友就在身旁，但他們連同世上一切對她都只是影子。為了讓你明白：萬一你落入這境地，其實你的軟弱與人性仍能幫助你。我要告訴你，有時一個人因渴望死亡而瀕臨死亡³⁸⁵，哀痛壓迫她的靈魂幾乎要脫離軀體；此時理智因驚懼而竭力壓下這份痛苦，好讓死亡暫緩來到。這份驚恐顯然出於人性的軟弱，因為靈魂對死亡的渴慕並不因此稍減，憂傷也無法平息，直到天主親來安慰。³⁸⁶祂通常以深度的神魂超拔、或以某個異象前來；真正的護慰者藉此安撫並剛強這顆心，使她甘願遵祂旨意活多久就活多久。³⁸⁷

溫柔的獵人一箭射中我，使我傾倒；
在愛的懷抱裡，我靈魂伏於塵。
終得新生，此後我們立下契約：
至愛唯屬於我，我也唯屬於祂。

十、這恩寵雖帶來極大的痛苦，卻在靈魂中留下最寶貴的恩澤：她此後對任何可能臨到的十字架都不再懼怕，因為與所經歷的劇烈痛苦相比，其餘一切都算不得什麼。看到所得到的益處，這受苦者很願意再屢次承受同樣的苦痛³⁸⁸；然而她無論如何也辦不到。除非天主親自決定要再賜下，誰也沒有辦法重回這境地；而一旦天主要賜下，抗拒與逃避都無從談起。這時心靈對世界的輕看遠勝以往，因她明白塵世沒有任何事物能在這折磨中救她；她也更為超脫受造物，因為她已知道唯有造物主能帶給她安慰與力量。她更謹慎小心，不敢冒犯天主，因為她看見祂既能折磨也能安慰。³⁸⁹

十一、在這靈性境地中，我覺得有兩件事會危及性命：一是剛剛所說的那種，是真實且相當嚴重的危險；另一種是過度的歡喜與極深的喜悅，讓靈魂幾乎昏厥過去，彷彿要脫離軀體——這對靈魂而言其實是無比的幸福。

十二、姊妹們，現在你們看出來了：我豈不是有理由告訴你們，領受這些恩寵需要勇氣嗎？若有人向吾主祈求這些恩寵，祂很可能會像對載伯德的兒子們所說的那樣回答：「你們能飲我將要飲的那杯嗎？」³⁹⁰姊妹們，我相信我們都該回答「能」；這樣回答完全恰當，因為陛下一看到需要，就會賜下力量。祂永遠為這些靈魂辯護，在他們受迫害、遭毀謗時替他們作答，就像祂當年為瑪達肋納所做的那樣——即使不是言語上的辯護，至少在行動上。³⁹¹最後，啊最後！在他們離世之前，祂必償還他們所承受的一切，這你們下一章就會明白。願祂永受讚頌，願一切受造物都稱揚祂！阿們。

TREATS OF HOW GOD INSPIRES THE SOUL WITH SUCH VEHEMENT AND IMPETUOUS DESIRES OF SEEING HIM AS TO ENDANGER LIFE. THE BENEFITS RESULTING FROM THIS DIVINE GRACE.

1. Favours increase the soul’s desire for God. 2. The dart of love. 3. Spiritual sufferings produced. 4. Its physical effects. S. Torture of the desire for God. 6. These sufferings are a purgatory. 7. The torments of hell. 8. St. Teresa’s painful desire after God. 9. This suffering irresistible. 10. Effects of the dart of love. 11. Two spiritual dangers to life. 12. Courage needed here and given by our Lord.

1. WILL all these graces bestowed by the Spouse upon the soul suffice to content this little dove or butterfly (you see I have not forgotten her after all!) so that she may settle down and rest in the place where she is to die? No indeed: her state is far worse than ever; although she has been receiving these favours for many years past, she still sighs and weeps because each grace augments her pain. She sees herself still far away from God, yet with her increased knowledge of His attributes her longing and her love for Him grow ever stronger as she learns more fully how this great God and Sovereign deserves to be loved. As, year by year her yearning after Him gradually becomes keener, she experiences the bitter suffering I am about to describe. I speak of ‘years’ because relating what happened to the person I mentioned, though I know well that with God time has no limits and in a single moment He can raise a soul to the most sublime state I have described. His Majesty has the power to do all He wishes and He wishes to do much for us. These longings, tears, sighs, and violent and impetuous desires and strong feelings, which seem to proceed from our vehement love, are yet as nothing compared with what I am about to describe and seem but a smouldering fire, the heat of which, though painful, is yet tolerable.

2. While the soul is thus inflamed with love, it often happens that, from a passing thought or spoken word of how death delays its coming, the heart receives, it knows not how or whence, a blow as from a fiery dart.³⁷⁸ I do not say that this actually is a ‘dart,’ but, whatever it may be, decidedly it does not come from any part of our being.³⁷⁹ Neither is it really a ‘blow’ though I call it one, but it wounds us severely—not, I think, in that part of our nature subject to physical pain but in the very depths and centre of the soul, where this, thunderbolt, in its rapid course, reduces all the earthly part of our nature to powder. At the time we cannot even remember our own existence, for in an instant, the faculties of the soul are so fettered as to be incapable of any action except the power they retain of increasing our torture. Do not think I am exaggerating; indeed I fall short of explaining what happens which cannot be described.

3. This is a trance of the senses and faculties except as regards what helps to make the agony more intense. The understanding realizes acutely what cause there is for grief in separation from God and His Majesty now augments this sorrow by a vivid manifestation of Himself. This increases the anguish to such a degree that the sufferer gives vent to loud cries which she cannot stifle, however patient and accustomed to pain she may be, because this torture is not corporal but attacks the innermost recesses of the soul. The person I speak of learnt from this how much more acutely the spirit is capable of suffering than the body; she understood that this resembled the pains of purgatory, where the absence of the flesh does not prevent the torture’s being far worse than any we can feel in this world.

4. I saw some one in this condition who I really thought would have died, nor would it have been surprising, for there is great danger of death in this state. Short as is the time it lasts, it leaves the limbs all disjointed and the pulse as feeble as if the soul were on the point of departure, which is indeed the case, for the natural heat fails, while that which is supernatural so burns the frame that were it increased ever so little God would satisfy the soul’s desire for death. Not that any pain is felt by the body at the moment, although, as I said, all the joints are dislocated so that for two or three days afterwards the suffering is too severe for the person to have even the strength to hold a pen;³⁸⁰ indeed I believe that the health becomes permanently enfeebled in consequence. At the time this is not felt, probably because the spiritual torments are so much more keen that the bodily ones remain unnoticed; just as when there is very severe pain in one part, slighter aches elsewhere are hardly perceived, as I know by experience. During this favour there is no physical suffering either great or small, nor do I think the person would feel it were she torn to pieces.

5. Perhaps you will say this is an imperfection, and you may ask why she does not conform herself to the will of God since she has so completely surrendered herself to it. Hitherto she has been able to do so and she consecrated her life to it; but now she cannot because her reason is reduced to such a state that she is no longer mistress of herself; nor can she think of anything but what tends to increase her torment—for why should she seek to live apart from her only Good? She feels a strange loneliness, finding no companionship in any earthly creature; nor could she, I believe, among those who dwell in heaven, since they are not her Beloved: meanwhile all society is a torture to her. She is like one suspended in mid-air, who can neither touch the earth nor mount to heaven; she is unable to reach the water while parched with thirst and this is not a thirst that can be borne, but one which nothing will quench nor would she have it quenched save with that water of which our Lord spoke to the Samaritan woman, but this is not given to her.³⁸¹

6. Alas, O Lord, to what a state dost Thou bring those who love Thee! Yet these sufferings are as nothing compared with the reward Thou wilt give for them. It is right that great riches should be dearly bought. Moreover, her pains purify her soul so that it may enter the seventh mansion, as purgatory cleanses spirits which are to enter heaven:³⁸² then indeed these trials will appear like a drop of water compared to the sea. Though this torment and grief could not, I think, be surpassed by any earthly cross (so at least this person said and she had endured much both in body and mind), yet they appeared to her as nothing in comparison with their recompense. The soul realizes that it has not merited anguish which is of such measureless value. This conviction, although bringing no relief; enables the sufferer to bear her trials willingly—for her entire lifetime, if God so wills,—although instead of dying once for all, this would be but a living death, for truly it is nothing else.

7. Let us remember, sisters, how those who are in hell lack this submission to the divine will and the resignation and consolation God gives such a soul and the solace of knowing that their pains benefit them, for the damned will continually suffer more and more; (more and more, I mean in regard to accidental pains³⁸³ ). The soul feels far more keenly than the body and the torments I have just described are incomparably less severe than those endured by the lost, who also know that their anguish will last for ever: what, then, will become of these miserable souls? What can we do or suffer during our short lives which is worth reckoning if it will free us from such terrible and endless torments? I assure you that, unless you have learned by experience, it would be impossible to make you realize how acute are spiritual pangs and how different from physical pain. Our Lord wishes us to understand this, so that we may realize what gratitude we owe Him for having called us to a state where we may hope, by His mercy, to be freed from and forgiven our sins.

8. Let us return to the soul we left in such cruel torment. This agony does not continue for long in its full violence—never, I believe, longer than three or four hours; were it prolonged, the weakness of our nature could not endure it except by a miracle. In one case, where it lasted only a quarter of an hour, the sufferer was left utterly exhausted; indeed, so violent was the attack that she completely lost consciousness. This occurred when she unexpectedly heard some verses to the effete that life seemed unending; she was engaged in conversation at the time, which was on the last day of Easter. All Eastertide she had suffered such aridity as hardly to realize what mystery was being celebrated.³⁸⁴ Véante mis ojos, Dulce Jesús bueno: Véante mis ojos, Y muérame yo luégo.
   Fuente, l.c. vol. v. 143, note 1. Œuvres, ii. 231. (Poem 36, English version.) There is a slight difference in the two relations of this occurrence. In Rel. iv. St. Teresa seems to imply that it happened on Easter Sunday evening, but here she says distinctly: ‘Pascua de Resurreccion, el postrer dia,’ that is, on Easter Tuesday, April 17, 1571, at Salamanca.

9. It is as impossible to resist this suffering as it would be to prevent the flame’s having heat enough to burn us if we were thrown into a fire. These feelings cannot be concealed: all who are present recognize the dangerous condition of such a person although they are unable to see what is passing within her. True, she knows her friends are near, but they and all earthly things seem to her but shadows. To show you that, should you ever be in this state, it is possible for your weakness and human nature to be of help to you, I may tell you that at times, when a person seems dying from her desire for death³⁸⁵ which so oppresses her soul with grief that it appears on the point of leaving her body, yet her mind, terrified at the thought, tries to still its pain so as to keep death at bay. Evidently this fear arises from human infirmity, for the soul’s longings for death do not abate meanwhile nor can its sorrows be stilled or allayed until God brings it comfort.³⁸⁶ This He usually does by a deep trance or by some vision whereby the true Comforter consoles and strengthens the heart, which thus becomes resigned to live as long as He wills.³⁸⁷ Struck by the gentle Hunter And overthrown, Within the arms of Love My soul lay prone. Raised to new life at last, This contract ’tween us passed, That the Beloved should be mine own, I His alone.

10. This favour entails great suffering but leaves most precious graces within the soul, which loses all fear of any crosses it may henceforth meet with, for in comparison with the acute anguish it has gone through all else seems nothing. Seeing what she has gained, the sufferer would gladly endure frequently the same pains³⁸⁸ but can do nothing to help herself in the matter. There are no means of reaching that state again until God chooses to decree it, when neither resistance nor escape is possible. The mind feels far deeper contempt for the world than before, realizing that nothing earthly can succour it in its torture; it is also much more detached from creatures, having learnt that no one but its Creator can bring it consolation and strength. It is more anxious and careful not to offend God, seeing that He can torment as well as comfort.³⁸⁹

11. Two things in this spiritual state seem to me to endanger life,—one is that of which I have just spoken which is a real peril and no small one; the other an excessive gladness and a delight so extreme that the soul appears to swoon away and seems on the point of leaving the body, which indeed would bring it no small joy.

12. Now you see. sisters, whether I had not reason to tell you that courage was needed for these favours and that when any one asks for them from our Lord He may well reply, as He did to the sons of Zebedee: ‘Can you drink the chalice that I shall drink?’³⁹⁰ I believe, sisters, we should all answer ’Yes’—and we should be perfectly right for His Majesty gives strength when He sees it needed: He ever defends such souls and answers for them when they are persecuted and slandered as He did for the Magdalen—if not in words, at least in deeds.³⁹¹ At last, ah, at last! before they die He repays them for all they have suffered, as you shall now learn. May He be for ever blessed and may all creatures praise Him! Amen.